FINANCE & TECH

Biden Won’t Cancel Student Loans Before Student Loan Relief Ends

President Joe Biden likely won’t cancel student loans before student loan relief ends.
Here’s what you need to know — and what it means for your student loans.

Student Loans
Progressives in Congress and other student loan activists are increasing pressure on Biden to enact wide-scale student loan cancellation before temporary student loan relief as a result of the Covid-19 pandemic expires on January 31, 2022. However, don’t expect student loan cancellation for all your student loan debt. While Biden has cancelled $11.5 billion of student loans this year, progressives say it’s a small fraction of the $1.7 trillion of total outstanding student loan debt. (3 things to do for your student loans right now). Some activists want up to $50,000 of student loans cancelled for each borrower. Others advocate for total student loan cancellation. Despite these repeated calls — which have ranged from in-persona rallies to online conferences to social media posts — it appears that Biden likely will not cancel student loans for every student loan borrower before temporary student loan relief ends. That said, Biden may continue to cancel student loans on a targeted basis. (For example, the Education Department announced $2 billion of student loans will be cancelled within weeks).

Student loan forgiveness: mixed message hurts the cause
While progressives champion “student loan forgiveness” or “student loan cancellation,” there are disparate and often conflicting messages that complicate the overall message. While progressives are united on the idea of cancelling student loans, different voices express different perspectives. For example, it’s not uncommon to find proposals from legislators and advocates that include, among others:

Cancel all student debt
Cancel $50,000 of student loans
Cancel up to $50,000 of student loans
Cancel up to $50,000 of student loans, but only federal student loans for borrowers who earn up to $125,000.

(Here’s who qualifies for student loan forgiveness right now). While legislators are entitled to their own opinions, it would be more effective to agree on a specific, unifying principle. For example, Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY) and Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-MA) support the final proposal, which is the leading proposal in Congress. (These borrowers don’t qualify for limited student loan forgiveness).

Student loan cancellation isn’t zero sum game
Progressives in Congress are intently focused on $50,000 of student loan cancellation. There doesn’t appear on any wavering or compromise on this number. Their main strategy is to “pressure” Biden to cancel student loan debt through an executive order. (How to apply for student loan forgiveness during the Biden administration). Congress won’t pass legislation — or even hold a vote — to enact student loan cancellation. Biden has said for years now that he doesn’t support cancelling up to $50,000 of student loans. He has consistently supported up to $10,000 of student loan cancellation for student loan borrowers, has Congress to pass legislation, and said he would gladly sign a bill. The president has acknowledged repeatedly that he doesn’t have the executive authority to cancel everyone’s student loans. (Here’s how to qualify for automatic student loan cancellation). Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) has echoed this position, noting that the president doesn’t have such authority; only Congress does. So, why are progressives in Congress continuing to focus on $50,000 of student loan cancellation? It’s important to stick to principles and defend your position. However, if their goal is to get wide-scale student loan cancellation in the next two months, this seems like a futile attempt to reach consensus. (Prepare for the end of student loan relief). Some may argue that the president also could compromise his position. However, Congress makes laws and authorizes federal spending, not the president. If progressives in Congress want student loan cancellation for their constituents, a more pragmatic approach both on the amount of student loan cancellation and an alternative legislative pathway to student loan forgiveness would be practical. Otherwise, a stalemate will continue. (How to apply for limited student loan forgiveness).

What this means for your student loans
This has important implications for your student loans. While Biden could change his position any time, it’s unlikely that Biden will cancel student loans before temporary student loan relief from the Covid-19 pandemic ends. This means that you should expect to restart federal student loan payments beginning February 1, 2022. You should also develop a game plan for student loan repayment. Now is the time to take control of your student loans and fully understand all your options to pay off student loan debt. Here are some popular ways to pay off student loans and save money:

Student loan refinancing (lower interest rate + lower monthly payment)
Income-driven repayment plans (lower payment, but same interest rate)
Public service loan forgiveness (student loan forgiveness for public servants)

Student Loans: Related Reading
How to qualify for automatic student loan forgiveness
How to apply for limited student loan forgiveness
Education Department will cancel $2 billion of student loans
Here’s who qualifies for student loan forgiveness right now […]

FINANCE & TECH

As Nadella, Musk, And Bezos Sell To Pay Less Tax, Buy Microsoft Stock

The NASDAQ Composite has lost 7% of its value since peaking at 16,212. This drop has accompanied big stock sales by Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella, Tesla CEO Elon Musk, and Amazon Executive Chair Jeff Bezos.

Is that drop a sign that we are in for a major tech stock downturn — along the lines of the 77% plunge in the NASDAQ between October 1999 and July 2002 (when it bottomed out at 1,160)?
Or is it a buying opportunity caused by CEOs dumping their shares in advance of higher tax rates on their capital gains?
I don’t know the answer, but I am holding on to my stocks as I did during the NASDAQ crash and all the stock market breaks since.
The reason is simple — when stocks sell off, investors eventually seem to conclude that compared to the alternatives, stocks are the best place to put your money over the long-term. Since I can’t pick market peaks or floors, I hold on through the painful declines.

If forced to choose — I favor the scenario that investors will start off 2022 with the idea that stocks are a better place than cash or bonds for their money. I don’t see the recent downturn as the beginning of a two year plunge in the value of tech stocks.

Comparing Microsoft, Amazon, and Tesla, I would be most comfortable betting on Microsoft.
(I have no financial interest in the securities mentioned).

Some Tax Rates To Rise in 2022
Washington State has passed a new 7% capital gains tax that goes into effect at the beginning of 2022. The new tax imposes a 7% tax on capital gains over $250,000, according to the Seattle Times.

What’s more Federal taxes could also increase for high earners. As CNBC reported, The House has proposed a new 5% surtax on income over $10 million and 8% on income over $25 million.

How Tech CEOs Are Responding To Higher Taxes on Their Stock Profits
Corporate insiders have sold a record amount of stock in 2021 and the leading sellers are technology CEOs.
As CNBC reported, the combination of high stock prices and looming tax increases, drove corporate insiders to sell $69 billion in stock in 2021. As of November 29, that total represented a 30% increase from 2020 and a 79% jump above the 10-year average.
Nadella dumped more than half his shares last month in a $285 million transaction which CNBC estimates saved him up to $20 million in state taxes.
A Microsoft spokesperson said Nadella sold the shares “for personal financial planning and diversification reasons,” and added that Nadella, who is also company chairman, “is committed to the continued success of the company and his holdings significantly exceed the holding requirements set by the Microsoft Board of Directors,” according to the Seattle Times.
Bezos sold around $3.3 billion in Amazon shares in November. By selling before January, Bezos could save up to $700 million in Washington state taxes, noted CNBC.
So far in 2021, he’s sold a total of $9.97 billion in Amazon stock. That’s about the same level of sales as in 2020 — but four times more than he sold in 2019 and “far higher than his sales of $1 billion a year in earlier years,” noted CNBC.
Meanwhile, Musk has sold more than $10 billion in Tesla stock, according to Fortune, with the intent to sell 10% of his stake. His aim is to use the sale proceeds to pay taxes “amid continued pressure from U.S. lawmakers like Sen. Bernie Sanders that billionaires pay ‘their fair share.’”
Shares of all three of these companies are well-below their highs. Microsoft shares are down 8% from their November 22 peak; Amazon trades 10% below its high while Tesla has dropped 19% from its all-time high.
Prospects For Rapid Growth Look Best for Microsoft
Of the three companies, Microsoft looks to be the one with the most predictable and rapid stock market growth. Sporting a $2.53 trillion market capitalization, up about 780% since he was appointed CEO, Microsoft stock has gained more than 50% in 2021.
In the third quarter, Microsoft revenue rose 22% to $45.32 billion — about $1.3 billion ahead of analysts’ expectations. For the current quarter Microsoft forecast $50.6 billion in revenue — about $1.7 billion more than the analyst consensus, according to CNBC, and 17% more than the year before.
Tesla has done well — but its stock market performance has been much choppier. Musk gets no salary and is paid solely stock-based compensation. To pay his bills, Musk has been borrowing money — pledging his shares as collateral.
Musk controls about 22% of Tesla’s outstanding shares awarded in a 2012 incentive package. Since then, Tesla’s market capitalization has soared from $3.2 billion to more than $1 trillion. This year, Tesla stock has risen about 49%.
The strike price on his options is $6.24 — about 99% below its current price. Unless he exercises the options by next August, they expire. So he is in the middle of exercising and selling them — using much of the proceeds to pay his taxes, noted Fortune.
Tesla delivered expectations beating growth for its third quarter. According to CNBC, Tesla reported $13.76 billion in revenue — $150 million above Refinitiv expectations and about 57% more than the year before. Net income of $1.62 billion was 388% more than the $331 million Tesla earned in Q3 2020.
Amazon is really slowing down. Its shares are up a mere 6.4% so far in 2021. On October 28, Amazon fell short of investor expectations and forecast an even worse fourth quarter. According to CNBC, third quarter revenue rose 15% to $110.8 billion — about $810 million short of analysts surveyed by Refinitiv while earnings per share of $6.12 were 31% below expectations.
Amazon forecast fourth quarter revenue growth that was way below analysts’ estimates. Amazon predicts revenue to rise in a range between 4% and 12%, the midpoint of which — $135 billion — is $7.2 billion short of analysts’ expectations for 13.2% growth.
Microsoft looks to me like the safest bet of the bunch with Tesla continuing to drop at least until Musk is done selling to pay his taxes and Amazon stock on hold until it can post much faster revenue growth. […]

HEALTH & BEAUTY

What Emotional Labor Really Is and How it Saps Your Mental Health

Emotional labor is an extra, psychologically exhausting effort that people have to make at home, work, or in relationships.What is emotional labor?Emotional labor is what it sounds like—extra work. But in this case, it has to do with carrying a heavier load in terms of a psychological burden.The term was first defined in the early 1980s, and over the years, has often been used to mean the extra mental work a person—usually a woman—does in managing a household.For example, some people think it includes all of the forethought and planning that goes into everyday life, including coordinating schedules, remembering birthdays and doctor’s appointments, and coordinating children’s activities and schoolwork.However, that’s not exactly right. Emotional labor is actually more-so a process in which people have to regulate and manage their emotions to interact with other people, whether it’s on the job or in a relationship.“It is the mental activity required to maintain relationships and ensure smooth running,” says Canada-based sports and exercise psychologist Haley Perlus, PhD.When the term was first defined by sociologist Arlie Hochschild, it was all about the workplace.For example, emotional labor would include people who work in service industries who must consistently convey positive responses to the people they serve, says Paul Hokemeyer, PhD, a clinical and consulting psychotherapist in New York, and author of Fragile Power: Why Having Everything Is Never Enough.Hokemeyer cites the HBO show, White Lotus as a good example.“In it, Murray Bartlett plays a deeply troubled hotel manager who must constantly meet the insatiable demands of entitled guests with a veneer of grace, humility, and enthusiasm,” Hokemeyer says.Other examples include employees who work in Apple stores, customer service agents who work call centers, and front line restaurant employees.Essentially, emotional labor manifests daily in the lives of people who are paid to interface directly with customers or clients. It’s a pressure to always be “on.”Perlus adds that emotional labor can also happen in other work environments as well.“It can include hiding your inner emotions and flashing a fake smile, or pep-talking yourself, known as deep acting, to try and change your emotions to display positive emotions authentically,” she says.Today, however, the concept also refers to personal relationships and can include times when you have to regulate your own emotions to manage other people’s feelings. (Here’s how to spot a liar.)Here’s what you need to know about recognizing emotional labor at work and at home. Plus, how and why you should avoid it.How to recognize emotional laborTom Werner/Getty ImagesAlthough it doesn’t fall under the traditional definition, emotional labor in romantic relationships or friendships is also possible.This might include one partner that assigns or does all the chores, or one partner that makes plans, remembers special events, and runs the family’s schedule, while the other partner does not, Perlus says.Another example includes one partner or friend who compromises more than the other or one partner who always takes care of the children’s emotional needs, while the other does not.One of the best examples of emotional labor is when one person constantly vents, leaving the expectation that the other person always needs to be available to listen.“If one person or partner feels exhausted and ends up feeling their friend or partners feelings for them, this can be emotionally exhausting and a sign of emotional labor,” Perlus says.Here are some signs you are experiencing emotional labor on a job or in a relationship:You feel exhaustedYou feel burned outYou feel anxiousYou feel pressure to performYou catastrophize, which is when you think the absolute worst thing will happen, even if it’s highly unlikely or illogical(This is how to set boundaries.)How emotional labor harms mental healthTom Werner/Getty ImagesEmotional labor, like physical labor, is exhausting. It drains people of their energy since they are constantly under pressure to perform, according to Hokemeyer.“And similarly to injuries caused when we are physically exhausted, emotional labor causes injuries to our psyches when we are placed in a position of chronic performance,” he says.“These injuries manifest in various forms of addictive behaviors and of acting out in negative ways in our romantic and family relationships.”One study in the journal Personnel Psychology looked at how the daily effects of emotional labor spill over to life outside of work. The researchers examined the influence of day-to-day surface acting on emotional exhaustion, work-to-family conflict, and insomnia in a field study of 78 bus drivers. They found that this acting increased each of these experiences at home.Prolonged emotional labor may simply lead to all-around burnout, according to a 2018 review in the Yonesi Medical Journal.“There is a time and place to ‘show up’ emotionally for your team (at work and at home) to help the motivational climate, productivity, and overall peace and happiness,” Perlus says.“Still, we must create space to feel what it is we are truly feeling, positive or negative, high or low.”She says that’s the key to develop emotional resilience that can only work to improve relationships.How to combat the burden of emotional laborTo release the burden of emotional labor, Perlus recommends that you:Talk to your friend or partner about how you are feeling.Use “I” statements, so they don’t feel as if you are hurling insults at them, but rather that you are expressing what you need and how you feel. For example, you could say something like, “I feel like I put a lot of time into the housework, and I need more help with it,” or “I feel overwhelmed when I’m constantly needed for emotional support.”Set boundaries in your relationships in general. (Here are 13 easy phrases to help set boundaries.)Explain how the emotional labor is affecting you and tell your friend or partner the changes you would like to see.“This way, you can bring awareness to the challenges you are facing, and hopefully, your friend or partner will change their actions, and you will no longer feel the burden of emotional labor,” Perlus says.And when it comes to emotional labor at work, Hokemeyer recommends releasing tension through physical exertion.“So take a walk around the parking lot after work, go for a run, do 15 minute of stretching,” he says. “Talking to others is also important to discharge the negative energy you pick up from being overly burdened by emotional labor.”Check out these simple stretching exercises for stress relief. […]

HEALTH & BEAUTY

What Is Perfectionism, and How Can It Affect Your Mental Health?

Think you’re a perfectionist? Learn more about the types of perfectionism, how perfectionism can affect mental health, and how to avoid it.What is a perfectionist?Do you endlessly rewrite emails before hitting send? Or do you consider yourself a failure if a colleague or classmate performs better at a task?This intense need to avoid mistakes is called perfectionism—and it doesn’t just limit people in their daily lives.Although perfectionism isn’t a medical condition itself, these tendencies can have serious impacts on our mental and physical health, says Gail Saltz, MD, a clinical associate professor of psychiatry at New York Presbyterian Hospital and host of the How Can I Help? podcast from iHeartRadio.And it’s different from achievement-based traits like ambition.“Ambition works as an energizer, driving us toward success and inspiring us to do more,” explains Sarah Kaufman, LMSW and psychotherapist at Cobb Psychotherapy.However, sometimes our goalposts start to move—like if you reach a goal, but you’re immediately dissatisfied with your performance.“When your self-worth starts to become entangled with reaching your goals or getting everything just right, that’s when ambition could be entering a perfectionistic territory,” she explains.Here’s what you need to know if you identify with being a perfectionist.Can perfectionism be a good thing?Perfectionism can be healthy in the sense that it drives people to set and reach lofty goals, Dr. Saltz says. “They can be highly creative in trying to pursue those things—and that’s all a good thing.”But she says perfectionism becomes a problem when someone focuses on avoiding failure at all costs.“It makes them very self-castigating, leading to feelings of self-worthlessness if they do fail at something, if they do make a mistake, or if they don’t achieve certain levels of perfection,” Dr. Saltz says.“They can become very limited in their day-to-day life.”mother image/Getty ImagesAre there different types of perfectionists?“There’s a wide spectrum of perfectionism, and individuals can become perfectionists in one, a few, or many areas of their lives and for varied reasons,” says Alissa Jerud, licensed clinical psychologist, a clinical assistant professor of psychology in the department of psychiatry at the University of Pennsylvania, and host of the Anxiety Savvy Podcast.The Multidimensional Perfectionism Scale (MPS) is an assessment tool first developed in 1990, and measures tendencies like someone’s concern over making mistakes, sense of responsibility to parental expectations, and need for order and organization.This scale has since been re-evaluated and refined, now defining three distinct types of perfectionism:The socially prescribed perfectionistThis type of perfectionism comes from a belief that others demand flawlessness from you.Dr. Jerud says this trait can compel people to desperately aim for perfection, fearing anything less will result in others rejecting them or judging them negatively.A 2017 study published in the journal Psychological Bulletin found that rates of perfectionism of every form are on the rise, but increases are especially high for this variety—and particularly among young people. The study found that between 1989 and 2016, rates of socially prescribed perfectionism rose 33 percent.Research from Frontiers in Psychology also links socially prescribed perfectionism with serious conditions like disordered eating and depression.The other-oriented perfectionistDemanding this perfection from your peers—and becoming overly critical if they fall short of your expectations—is known as other-oriented perfectionism.This trait is often rooted in feelings of discontentment and insecurity, and research from the Journal of Psychopathology and Behavioral Assessment shows that other-oriented perfectionism can limit someone’s ability to form nurturing bonds, develop intimacy with others, or meet social development goals.The self-oriented perfectionist“Some conscientious and goal-oriented people set the bar high for themselves and find joy in working hard and doing whatever they do well,” Dr. Jerud says.But this appetite for success might lead people to set impossibly high standards for themselves—a habit that can devolve into a cycle of self-oriented perfectionism.“It’s important to understand that perfection is rarely, if ever, attainable,” Dr. Jerud says.“If our goal is to do or be perfect in some way, shape, or form, we are likely to become frustrated with ourselves when we inevitably fall short of this goal.”This repeated sense of frustration can, in turn, fuel anxiety, depression, and other mental health problems, she says.Can you be afraid of imperfection?At the extreme end of the perfectionism spectrum lies atelophobia—a paralyzing fear of imperfection.This ingrained fear goes beyond setting high standards, says Natalie Capano, MHC-LP and psychotherapist at Cobb Psychotherapy.Fear of imperfection is a type of anxiety disorder, and according to research from BMC Psychiatry, living with a specific phobia like the fear of imperfection can:be a risk factor for developing mental disorders such as major depression or anxietyincrease someone’s risk for physical issues like chronic respiratory conditions, migraines, ulcers, vascular disease, and heart diseaseAtelophobia can also cause significant limitations and distress in day-to-day life. For example, someone may:completely avoid certain situations for fear of making a mistakedevelop severe anxiety at the prospect of disappointing their peersstruggle so much to attain perfection that procrastination makes them fall behind at work or schoolIs perfectionism harmful to our health?Perfectionism doesn’t have to be a full-blown phobia to negatively influence our health.“Perfectionism can make it hard to do daily tasks, such as getting dressed, cleaning the house, sending emails, doing work or schoolwork, or even interacting with friends and family,” Dr. Jerud says.It can slow people down and steal precious minutes, hours, days, and even weeks, months, and years away from them.“And given that there really is no such thing as perfect, this unrealistic striving for perfection can negatively impact one’s mental health.”Perfectionism and mental health problemsA meta-analysis of 284 studies published in the Journal of Clinical Psychology points to a laundry list of mental health concerns driven by high levels of perfectionism, including depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), and eating disorders.Multiple studies, including a 2020 report in the International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, have also found a relationship between perfectionism and suicidal thoughts. This link is especially strong for people with socially prescribed perfectionism.Perfectionism’s toll on our physical healthThe state of our mental health is intrinsically linked to our physical well-being, Dr. Saltz explains.She says a need for perfection can cause issues like chronic pain syndrome, high blood pressure, gastric upset, and peptic ulcer disease—all symptoms of chronic stress.When we’re constantly worried about doing things perfectly, we’re likely to experience physical symptoms of anxiety as well, like muscle tension, heart palpitations, nausea, and headaches, Dr. Jerud adds.“We may also have difficulty falling or staying asleep, which can lead us to feel sluggish and fatigued during the day.”Going out of our way to be perfect can also interfere with proper self care. People might get less sleep, so they can endlessly finalize a task at work or push their body too hard to achieve the “perfect” workout or diet.While aiming for physical or career excellence isn’t necessarily a bad thing, Capano says this drive crosses the line when a mistake or a rest day feels catastrophic.“Any time we ignore our body and mind asking for a break and push ourselves beyond capacity, we enter a dangerous zone where we create unrealistically high expectations that are not likely to be met,” she says.“Perfectionism can be a vicious cycle of wanting to do your best, but then needing to be better than your best the next time.”What causes perfectionism?Kaufman explains that our beliefs, behaviors, and worldviews are shaped by everything in our lives:biological factors like our genetic makeup and neurochemistrypsychological factors such as our emotions, coping skills, and self-esteemsocial and environmental factors, including our family, religious community, school, work, and socioeconomic status“The same goes for perfectionism,” she says.While some people may be genetically predisposed to perfectionism (by way of OCD or anxiety, for example), a wide range of environmental factors also contribute to it.“For example, it’s long been talked about that people socialized as girls and women receive messages throughout their lives to be perfect, while those socialized as boys are taught to be brave,” Kaufman says.“We often see perfectionism stem from strained family dynamics,” Capano adds.“Like a parent giving conditional love to a child who receives only perfect grades or a victim of domestic abuse needing to be perfect to avoid further abuse.”These extrinsic motivators in early childhood can be reinforced repeatedly and develop into toxic perfectionistic tendencies.“For instance, when we praise or reward our children for their looks, their artwork, their school work, or their athletic achievements, we may inadvertently send the message that their worth is tied to their appearance and accomplishments,” Dr. Jerud says.She says this awareness has influenced her own approach to parenting.“I have moved away from praising my kids and instead try to focus on their process and internal experiences,” she explains. “Rather than say, ‘Wow, you did such a great job coloring that in. It’s beautiful!,’ I might say, ‘Wow, I can tell you worked really hard on that! I’d love to hear how you made it.’”Can perfectionism be treated?“The best way to treat or manage perfectionism is to gradually start doing the opposite of what your perfectionism wants you to do,” Dr. Jerud says. “In therapy, we call this exposure therapy, which is a form of cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT).”For example, she says if you tend to re-read emails repeatedly before sending them to ensure they’re perfect, start by trying to scale back. See if you can press send right after drafting or just one round of editing.“Start by sending short emails to loved ones and then work your way up to writing longer emails to colleagues or even supervisors,” she says.Or suppose you struggle with having a perfect appearance. In that case, you can try to gradually eliminate some steps from your grooming routine, wear a shirt that doesn’t fit perfectly, and practice interacting with others when looking less than perfect.“Know that no matter what perfectionistic tendencies you are working to give up, the goal is not to get rid of your anxiety, but instead to help you learn that you can tolerate not coming across perfectly,” she says. “Even if this makes you feel anxious.”Another strategy is to practice mindfulness, Dr. Saltz says. She says evaluating negative self-talk can help you understand if your self-criticism is fair or even accurate—and make room to accept a certain amount of failure in your life.“Be compassionate with yourself about making mistakes, about failing at things, and challenge those negative self-judgments that you might repeatedly have,” she says.Now that you know about being a perfectionist and mental health, check out ways to be nicer to yourself. […]

entertainment

Is it good to Meditate with Music?

Music can be integral to many types of meditation. The key is choosing music with the right rhythm, melody, and tempo, according to music meditation experts.Meditation and musicMusic is the soundtrack to our lives. Different songs or genres of music can evoke powerful emotions, help us tap into precious memories, and escape from the stress of daily life.Given the power of music and sound, it’s no wonder many people who meditate turn to music to enhance or fine-tune their practice. Here’s what you need to know about music meditation.What is meditation?Meditation is a blanket term for a set of techniques that encourage a heightened state of consciousness, largely by focusing on the here and now.There are many ways to quiet your mind, including breathing, mantras, movement, music, and sound.As many as 500 million people meditate due to a lengthy list of potential mental and physical health benefits, including lower blood pressure, less anxiety, and decreased pain.(Learn more about the science-backed benefits of meditating.)“Meditation is the act of bringing the mind back to an object of meditation, creating one-pointed focus with an object of meditation and becoming meditatively absorbed,” explains Kimberly Humphrey, a sound healer at Miraval Austin Resort & Spa in Texas.“Hearing is one of our most used senses, and many people find that focusing on a sound is a helpful tool to focus the mind away from the running narrative of thoughts it creates.”Some of the biggest lures at Miraval Austin, and other Miraval properties, are music with meditation and sound-healing classes, she notes.Westend61/Getty ImagesHow does music fit into meditation?Music can be the object of a meditation practice, or a background sound to soothe the body with a different object of meditation such as a visualization, Humphrey says.“In meditation, music supports what we are doing verbally during guided imagery, but its job is to regulate people physiologically including lowering respiratory rate,” says Christina A. Myers, a music therapist at Four Diamonds at Penn State Health Children’s Hospital in Hershey, Pennsylvania.Still, there are debates about whether music should be used for meditation, says Ferol Carytsa, assistant director and lecturer at the Center for Arts in Medicine at the University of Florida College of the Arts in Gainesville.“Some feel music can be a distraction, but it can improve mood, create a more relaxed environment by canceling other sounds, and enhance a person’s awareness of breathing,” she says.For example, focusing on beats per minute of musical selections can help regulate breathing and pulse rate, she says.Best music for meditation?There is no one-size-fits-all type of music that can help you meditate or foil your attempts to unleash your inner zen, says Cortland Dahl, chief contemplative officer at Healthy Minds Innovations and a research scientist at the Center for Healthy Minds at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. “The types of sound that soothe us differ from person to person,” he says.If you can’t stand the birdsong, thunderclaps, and ethereal melodies that tend to embody wellness music, you’re in luck. “Music meditation doesn’t have to involve new age or spa music or nature sounds,” Dahl says.Not every meditator appreciates music with their practice, either. Research out of the U.S. Army Research Lab found that skilled meditators prefer silence, while beginners liked music without a distinct melody.Listen to your body, suggests Lauren Eckstrom, a certified mindfulness meditation instructor in Los Angeles. “Some days we may want the support of practicing with music, while on other days we may feel more inclined toward quiet.”And if you start a meditation practice with music, over time you may choose to let the music go and sit in silence, she adds.(Learn when the best time to meditate is to reap the most benefits.)How to choose music for meditationIf someone wants to use background music during meditation, soft/quiet music with a slow tempo is best because it can soothe the body and slow down our thoughts, Humphrey says.“As we are seeking to slow down our thoughts in meditation, we don’t want to energize our thoughts and body with fast or loud music,” she says.While sound can be beneficial, helpful, and powerful for our body and meditation practice, it can also be harmful, she cautions.“Fast and/or loud sounds and music can stimulate our body and activate our senses to be vigilant to the outside world, which is the opposite of what we want in meditation, where we are practicing turning the senses inward to prepare for meditation,” Humphrey says.“Our nervous system is very sensitive to sounds in the environment, and different sounds activate different parts of the brain,” Dahl says.This can be helpful at times and harmful at others. “Sound can activate our fight-or-flight response or calm us down,” he says.The fight-or-flight response, which kickstarts production of stress hormones, can be very helpful if we are under attack, but it’s counterproductive in other cases, he explains.Musical preference varies greatly, Carytsas adds. “Spend some time learning your musical preferences and identifying the playlists that contribute to relaxation versus the energizing ‘get up and go’ songs.”Mindfulness meditation and music“Music meditation is a fine type of meditation that can be used to evoke states of mind such as peacefulness, calm, or ease,” says Diana Winston, director of mindfulness education at the UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center in Los Angeles and the author of The Little Book of Being.Mindfulness meditation at UCLA does not use music, she says.“Mindfulness is paying attention to the present moment with openness, curiosity, and a willingness to be with that experience,” she explains.“Typically, we teach mindfulness without music so that practitioners learn to have comfort and ease with silence as they practice noticing the present moment, such as their breath, body sensations, or their emotions.”Music can be problematic in mindfulness meditation as it is associative, she says. “It can send us thinking about memories, associations, and ideas, while in mindfulness we are trying not to get too lost in thought and to return to the present moment the best we can,” she says.That doesn’t mean there is no role for music during mindfulness practices. “Sometimes, music can help us to calm our mind so that we can practice mindfulness,” she says.“I recommend very subdued background music without lyrics that is not too evocative,” Winston says.Dahl agrees: “Music with lyrics may be distracting as the sound should be the backdrop, not the main show.”His advice? Find music that is soothing, calming, and enjoyable, and then play it in the background as you meditate.A type of music known as binaural beat is popular in meditation today, Eckstrom adds. These are essentially auditory illusions that occur when you hear sounds of different frequencies in each ear.“This type of music has been said to reduce anxiety, increase creativity, improve sleep, and help people enter meditative states,” she says.Incorporating music into your meditation practiceAs with most things, practice makes perfect—or close to it.Expect trial and error, Myers says. She suggests starting with a song or melody that is familiar.These free meditation sources have guided and music-based options to help you find the practice that works best for you. […]

LIFE

How to Stop Procrastinating

We’re all familiar with this urge to procrastinate, but why do we put something off even when we know there will be consequences?What is procrastination?Whether it’s that load of laundry growing in the corner of your bedroom or an email from your colleague you “keep meaning to get to,” everyone’s guilty of procrastinating.It’s an urge many of us give in to even when the stakes are higher. A survey by the financial company IPX 1031 found that in 2020, at least 33 percent of Americans waited until the last minute to do their taxes. And that’s after the U.S. government itself pushed the filing deadline from April to May.Still, this tendency goes beyond poor time management or laziness. According to research published in Frontiers in Psychology, there are two main features of procrastination:We unnecessarily and intentionally put something off.We know we’ll be worse off for delaying.This awareness of the negative consequences we’ll face is why scientists link procrastination with our emotions—and how much we let those emotions control our behavior.Research in the journal Social and Personality Psychology Compas found that when we procrastinate, we’re giving in to our desire for immediate gratification. By putting off something that makes us feel bad, we’re “prioritizing our current mood over the consequences of inaction for our future self.”LumiNola/Getty ImagesWhat is chronic procrastination?It’s one thing to procrastinate from time to time due to external stressors like a busy schedule, says Lauren Cook, PhD, a clinical psychologist and founder of Heartship Psychological Services in California. “But when it becomes a generalized pattern no matter what, that’s a sign that procrastination may have become chronic.”We’ve all faced repercussions for putting off a task, whether it’s missing a deadline or letting that dental cavity progress a little too far.Yet Joyce Marter, LCPC, licensed psychotherapist and author of The Financial Mindset Fix: A Mental Fitness Program for an Abundant Life, points to some tell-tale behaviors of chronic procrastinators:perpetually feeling like you’re behind and often disappointing othershaving people in your life frustrated with you—which can lead to repeated job or relationships lossesbecoming defensive over your task avoidance, like blaming others or leaning on excusesstruggling with feelings of inadequacyfeeling overwhelmed by deadlines and responsibilitiesfilling your time with minor, less important tasksChronic procrastinators may also have people in their lives enabling this behavior, either by completing tasks, constantly offering reminders, or trying to help them better manage their time. And to the procrastinator, this support is often unwelcome.“You may experience these people as controlling and resent them,” Marter explains.What causes chronic procrastination?Another defining feature of chronic procrastination? Once you’re caught in the cycle, it’s tough to break free.A study published in the Journal of Rational-Emotive & Cognitive-Behavior Therapy found that negative feelings like stress, anxiety, low self-esteem, and imposter syndrome are what lead to procrastination—making task avoidance a coping mechanism for handling these difficult emotions.Then when we put something off, we experience a momentary sense of relief. That response activates our brain’s reward center, reinforcing the habit.But procrastinating also gets ingrained into our body’s stress response. That means the next time we’re faced with a task that makes us feel anxious, insecure, or frustrated, our body clocks it as a threat. Procrastination then steps in as our defense mechanism against these threatening emotions.It looks like this:We have a task at hand.We consider how the task will make us feel.We conclude the task will make us feel stressed, insecure, or experience some other bad emotion.Our body aims to avoid those bad feelings, so we avoid the task.We feel more stressed by delaying a task—and the procrastination cycle continues.This emotional hook is why Marter says chronic procrastination often results from:Behavioral health issuesMental health conditions like anxiety, depression, substance misuse, addiction, attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD,) and trauma can contribute to procrastination.“Each of these impairs our cognitive functioning and ability to think clearly, concentrate, organize oneself, and make decisions,” Marter says.Mental health issues also often lead to emotional overwhelm—when the intensity of your (typically negative) feelings outpaces how well you can manage them. This overwhelm can fuel negative self-talk and cognitive distortions while decreasing your motivation and energy levels, all of which can lead to procrastination.FearWhether you fear success, failure, judgment, or admitting that you don’t know how to do something, any form of uncertainty or doubt can paralyze your ability to act.Or you might worry about the consequences of completing a task, Marter says. For example, it’s easier to delay having a tough conversation if you’re concerned about the other person’s reaction.Perfectionism“I’ve seen many people procrastinate on taking action in areas that would further their careers and financial prosperity because they want their résumé, business plan, website, or proposal to be perfect before they launch it into the world,” Marter says.But when we strive for perfection, we wind up constantly shifting the goalposts—leading to delayed results, increased frustration, and often, more procrastinating.Does procrastination harm our health?That fleeting satisfaction we feel when procrastinating comes at a cost.“The negative emotions you associate with a given task don’t go away when you avoid that task,” says Haley Perlus, a PhD in sports and performance psychology. “They feed on themselves and multiply.”The mental toll of procrastinationIt’s not just the stress surrounding a task that mounts as deadlines loom. The study in the Journal of Rational-Emotive & Cognitive-Behavior Therapy describes how chronic procrastination leads to lower self-esteem and works to increase someone’s overall stress and anxiety.These findings hinge on what are called “procrastinatory cognitions,” or negative thought patterns that accompany task avoidance—like shame, guilt, failure, and self-doubt.They’re also why procrastination can quickly become a vicious cycle.“The more we procrastinate, the more we doubt our ability to successfully complete tasks,” Dr. Cook says. “This can chip away at our confidence.”Procrastination’s impact on our physical healthFrom a practical perspective, putting off a visit to the doctor or dentist also delays necessary medical treatments.Yet, research from Personality and Individual Differences found that chronic procrastinators are also less likely to practice wellness-oriented behaviors in general, like maintaining a good diet and physical activity level.Marter says the stress and anxiety that procrastination triggers can have physical effects throughout the body as well, like insomnia, changes in eating habits, gastrointestinal problems, headaches, and increased blood pressure.These physical symptoms of chronic stress and anxiety can make someone vulnerable to more serious health problems as well. A recent study published in the Journal of Behavioral Medicine linked chronic procrastination with a greater risk of both cardiovascular disease and hypertension.Erik Von Weber/Getty ImagesHow can I stop procrastinating?“Long-term procrastination can create a loop, where putting something off reinforces your desire to do it again, even if it’s creating more problems,” Dr. Perlus says.But because chronic procrastination is rooted in our emotional response, downloading yet another time management app may not be enough to close this loop.Instead, a study published in Learning and Individual Differences found that kicking the procrastination habit comes down to regulating our emotions—specifically, learning how to tolerate negative emotions and modifying our responses.The experts say this emotional regulation is a process that takes time, but to start with strategies like:Practice self-compassion“When learning to change your habits, you should first forgive yourself and allow yourself compassion,” Dr. Perlus says. “That way, you don’t let self-blame take over.”A study published in Self and Identity found that people who procrastinate tend to demonstrate lower levels of self-compassion. But when people are able to forgive themselves for this delay, they’re likely to procrastinate less in the face of their next stressful task, according to another study from Personality and Individual Differences.“Being hard on yourself will just create a downward spiral of frustration and feelings of inadequacy,” Marter explains. That’s why feeling bad about your procrastination just deepens the cycle, making it even harder to change the habit.Incentivize yourselfWhen we have a task at hand that makes us feel anxious, not good enough, or even just bored, it’s gratifying to delay those negative feelings. This relief is what tempts us to procrastinate again and again, especially as the stress of putting something off compounds.But by hijacking this reward cycle, we can replace the perceived benefit of procrastinating with more productive incentives.“Reward yourself for completing tasks on time with quality time for yourself to focus on self-care or to do something you really enjoy,” Marter says. “You might even ask loved ones to help you with incentives, such as being able to watch a show together when you complete your project.”Challenge false thought patterns“You can also try and derail cognitive distortions, or patterns of irrational and inaccurate thoughts,” Dr. Perlus says.These negative thought patterns contribute to conditions like anxiety and depression, according to research from Europe’s Journal of Psychology. Over time, cognitive distortions can even become automatic thoughts, shaping our core beliefs—so even a neutral or positive event might spur anxiety, stress, and procrastination.Here’s how common cognitive distortions can influence procrastination:Perfectionism: You avoid starting or completing a task because you’re afraid of making a mistake.Catastrophizing: You believe you’ll never be qualified for a certain job, so you put off preparing your résumé and applying.Overgeneralizing: You received bad feedback on a past assignment, so you assume you’ll fail at all future tasks, too.Discounting the positive: You focus on one bit of negative feedback during an otherwise glowing performance review.“Try and come up with different explanations that help you reframe situations that may lead you to a hostile place,” Dr. Perlus says.Practice mindfulness strategiesMarter says mindfulness practices like meditation, deep breathing, and yoga help us stop ruminating about the past or worrying about the future—facilitating mental calm and clarity in the here and now.“The result is like rebooting your computer operating system,” she says. This can help us unravel negative, anxious thought patterns that trigger procrastination.Accept responsibility (and if needed, extra support)“Avoid the urge to blame your boss, your partner, or the weather,” Marter says. “Own up to your chronic procrastination and commit to addressing it just like you would if you had a physical health problem.”This could mean creating systems of accountability, like asking your family, friends, or co-workers to check in with you about your progress on certain tasks and responsibilities.But when a cycle of procrastination starts to affect your daily life, affects your relationships, or harms your mental health, it might be time to get some extra support.“Consider having a mental health checkup to see if conditions such as depression or ADD/ADHD might be contributing to your procrastination problem,” Marter says.Through strategies like cognitive behavioral therapy, a professional can also help you work through identifying and reframing irrational thought patterns at the root of your procrastination pattern. […]

LIFE

What Is Gratitude Meditation, and How Can It Help?

Practicing regular gratitude can benefit your overall health and emotional well-being. Here’s why it’s important, and how gratitude meditation could improve your life.What is gratitude?Gratitude means appreciating what is valuable and meaningful to you. It’s the opposite of entitlement, which refers to a belief that you have earned or are owed good things.Psychologist and author Karen Lynn Cassiday says the key to “practicing gratitude” is learning to recognize when you’ve been blessed with something positive.“Gratitude is the sense that others, the universe, or a higher power have granted you something good—and you are fortunate to have received that blessing,” says Cassiday, the clinical director of the Anxiety Treatment Center of Greater Chicago.AMR Image/Getty ImagesThe science of gratitudeGratitude has been studied in a variety of ways over many decades. Cassiday points to more than 15,000 research studies on the topic, with results mainly demonstrating the emotional and mental health benefits of gratitude.In 2019, a team of researchers from the Netherlands took a novel approach by revisiting other gratitude studies from the previous decade, but this time focusing on physical benefits. While the research supported previous findings that gratitude leads primarily to mental and emotional well-being, the impact on overall body health was also evident.That makes sense, Cassiday notes. Gratitude can lead the body to release dopamine—known as the “feel good” hormone—as well as oxytocin, a hormone that promotes bonding with others.“Gratitude protects against negative emotions, such as depression and anger, and against toxic emotions, such as entitlement, resentment, revenge, cynicism, and hatred,” she says.In a nutshell, gratitude is the “mother skill” that leads to resilience, grit, hope, and healthy relationships.Gratitude is more than kindnessKindness is an external action. It’s what you do or say to others. Gratitude is a reaction to something felt internally, that may or may not be shared with others.“I believe experiencing gratitude is much more meaningful than parroting gratitude from a place of obligation or seasonal reminders,” says Laura Morse, a licensed psychotherapist in Atlanta.Telling yourself that other people have it worse will likely not make you feel better, she adds. But keeping situations in perspective may help the balance.“When more attention and validation is given to the negative aspects of our lives or situations, then hopelessness follows,” Morse cautions.Simple steps to gratitudeThe first step to living a life of gratitude is appreciation for the people, situations, or experiences that surround you.“Showing gratitude does not have to be costly,” Morse says. ” Words of affirmation and acts of service can go a long way.”Ways to incorporate more gratitude in your life include keeping a gratitude journal to write down your thoughts, goals, and experiences. Or you can write a gratitude letter to yourself or to someone else expressing your thoughts and feelings.Cassiday encourages a 30-day challenge to notice three things each day for which you are grateful. Write down how that experience affected you, and what blessing you found in that moment.For example, she says, you may write something like, “I am so grateful for the lovely colors of the fall leaves, especially the bright reds, and how it makes a gray time of the year beautiful and fascinating. I am blessed to be able to experience this.”Practice gratitude dailyGratitude should evolve like breathing—something necessary and natural. As you begin to live your life with an awareness of gratitude, it becomes less a “check mark” activity, and more your everyday essence in action.“As we experience positive emotions such as gratitude, loving, kindness, and compassion, our awareness broadens,” said Kathi Kemper, MD, executive director of the Ohio State University College of Medicine’s Center for Integrative Health and Wellness. “Our creativity and problem-solving capacities blossom, and we become more effective in whatever we choose to do.”It’s almost impossible to feel anxious and grateful at the same time, Dr. Kemper says. So when you start to notice your mind wandering toward worry, adjust your lens.“Switch to focusing on people, circumstances, or things for which you are grateful, and watch your mood improve,” Dr. Kemper says. “It’s also a great practice before falling asleep each night.”DjordjeDjurdjevic/Getty ImagesBlending gratitude and meditationSimilar to the goals of gratitude, meditation is a mental exercise to increase awareness of the present moment.“All meditation really is, is redirected attention,” explains Anne Hartley, founder of Hart Life Academy in Australia, which trains and certifies life coaches. “Instead of allowing the mind to wander and think of anything, meditation brings the mind’s attention to our breath, an object, or a mantra.”Traditional meditation focuses on breathing and a repeated mantra—a sound, word, or phrase. The process can be adapted to a focus on gratitude as well, Hartley says.“You can use ‘thank you’ or ‘I am grateful’ as a mantra meditation,” says Hartley, who turned to meditation 40 years ago to cope with the death of her child. “Or you can focus on all you are grateful for, which is more of a mindfulness practice.”Different meditations affect different parts of the brain. Hartley says gratitude meditation affects the prefrontal cortex, which aids thinking and decision making.Science supports that assessment. A 2017 study by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) showed “mindfulness-based” practices, including meditation, can improve workers’ mental health by lowering stress levels.Meditation is not magicThe wrong way to approach gratitude meditation is with expectations of instant results, Hartley says.“Sometimes when we meditate we don’t feel any different, and at other times it’s incredibly relaxing,” she says.The mind never stops thinking, so meditation helps to lead the mind to a single point of focus. If the goal is the awareness of gratitude, you may practice this mindfulness once a day or once an hour, as you work toward your balance.“You don’t want to make meditation a chore, but more a lifestyle of being able to take small moments of grateful pauses,” Cassiday says.And don’t discount that your mind is still hard at work even when you are asleep.“The mind processes six times more in the dream state, [so] you may find you awake giving thanks,” Hartley says.We need gratitude now more than everMorse says many people still remain in “grief recovery” after months of pandemic challenges. After losing jobs, loved ones, or emotional connections, some may find it hard to find reasons to be thankful.But this is where the practice of gratitude is most needed—and beneficial.“No matter what the scenario, there is always room to find the good and give it value,” Morse explains. “Allow yourself to find value in the seemingly smallest of things.” […]

LIFE

Thankful Thursday: What If Thanksgiving Came Every Week?

Practicing thankfulness every week—or better yet, every day—can boost your mood, strengthen your relationships, and even help you sleep better.What is thankful Thursday?Whether or not you’re feasting with family this year, Thanksgiving is a reminder to count your blessings. And it turns out taking time to say or write down what you’re thankful for can have lasting perks. A gratitude practice has science-backed benefits for your mind and body.So how do you keep the Thanksgiving vibes going? Some people take part in “Thankful Thursday.” The catchy hashtag is a reminder to shout out something you’re thankful for on social media. It’s almost like a weekly mini-Thanksgiving.There are several ways (and reasons!) to start a gratitude practice this year. Below, licensed mental health counselors Rachna Buxani-Mirpuri and Roseann Capanna-Hodge weigh in.IRINA KROLEVETC/Getty Images4 benefits of Thankful ThursdayShowing gratitude does more than make you look good to others. A weekly or daily gratitude practice can improve mental and physical health, too.Here’s what Bixani-Mirpuri and Capanna-Hodge had to say about the science-backed benefits of gratitude.Gratitude leads to positive thinking“Studies have found that gratitude journaling can significantly increase [people’s] optimism levels,” says Buxani-Mirpuri.Optimism can be a tricky thing to measure, but a clinical trial of 1,337 participants published in the medical journal Frontiers in Psychology tried to do just that. For 14 days, one-third of the participants listed moments they had been grateful for during each day. At the end of the study, the gratitude group scored higher on happiness and satisfaction—and lower on depression symptoms—than the other two groups.Capanna-Hodge says the positive thinking from gratitude also has a ripple effect. Optimism can improve your problem-solving and stress management skills.Gratitude could improve your mental healthDeveloping an attitude of gratitude might sound like a softball strategy for mental health, but Buxani-Mirpuri says it can reduce levels of depression and anxiety. Focusing on what you’re thankful for helps change your thought processes, thus resulting in a more positive mood.“By reducing negative biases and looking at things more realistically … people feel better,” she says.Gratitude strengthens your relationshipsIt’s no secret that smiling can make you seem more attractive and approachable. The same can be said for expressing gratitude. Telling your loved ones that you’re grateful for them makes them feel good about themselves, says Capanna-Hodge.People also tend to gravitate toward those who seem upbeat and supportive, according to Buxani-Mirpuri.Showing gratitude can strengthen the bonds between friends and family, but it’s also a useful career strategy. “Appreciative people are viewed as thoughtful, trustworthy, and positive,” Capanna-Hodge says.Gratitude could make you healthierThe more you practice gratitude, the more equipped you are to manage daily stressors, according to Capanna-Hodge. Stress can trigger a host of health problems, from hives to unhealthy weight gain. While bad stress has negative ripple effects, a gratitude practice can have remarkably positive domino effects.Studies are still limited on the health benefits of gratitude. Based on their research and experiences with clients, Buxani-Mirpuri and Capanna-Hodge say a gratitude practice could:How to start a personal gratitude practiceFirst things first: Take a moment to think about the people, places, and things that bring you joy. Simply focusing on what uplifts you will shift your mind toward gratitude.“Experiencing gratitude always begins with being mindful,” says Buxani-Mirpuri. “Just noticing and acknowledging can be … very powerful.”Practicing gratitude will look different from person to person. The premise is simple—it’s the commitment to repeated action that takes time and effort.“The biggest misconception about gratitude is that it is something that you can do once in a while,” explains Capanna-Hodge. “You need to integrate small gratitude practices into your life in order for your brain to shift.”Keep reading for tips to get the most out of Thanksgiving, Thankful Thursday, or a daily gratitude practice.Set aside timeSettling on a vague notion that you want to be more thankful isn’t enough. Make it a true commitment by carving out a few minutes each day to cultivate your new attitude of gratitude.“Healthy habits don’t just happen; they take time to develop. And they develop more quickly when you incorporate them into your routine,” says Capanna-Hodge.Whether you write a gratitude list in the morning or tell your partner what you were thankful for at the end of each day, set a specific time for consistency. Capanna-Hodge also recommends saying “I’m grateful for…” out loud to another person at least once each day.Start a gratitude journalJournaling comes more naturally to some people than others. But even if you have never kept a diary, writing down what you’re thankful for is an easy, concrete way to keep a gratitude practice.“I absolutely subscribe to gratitude journaling and have seen my clients benefit immensely from them,” says Buxani-Mirpuri.There are dozens of gratitude journals on the market, but any notebook will do. There’s also no right or wrong way to record your thoughts. Some people enjoy waxing eloquent about heartwarming moments in their day.Others simply keep a bullet journal of their blessings. The point is to develop a habit you can stick with, says Capanna-Hodge.Share your gratitude journey with othersAt some point in your life, you’ve probably experienced the power of accountability. Maybe you exercise with the help of a weight loss buddy. Or perhaps you completed Dry January because a friend did it with you. Your gratitude practice is personal, but that doesn’t mean it needs to be a secret. Thankful Thursday is a group exercise, after all!“Let people know you’re working on being more grateful,” Capanna-Hodge recommends. “When we declare our goals, they are more likely to happen.” Plus, she says friends and family might want to join in with their own gratitude journal or Thankful Thursday posts.Turn your gratitude into actionSomething special happens when we start paying close attention to the ordinary gifts in our lives. Dark clouds lift. Attitudes shift. You might realize that, just as others’ actions affect you, you can influence the world for better.Acts of kindness are practical ways to express gratitude, according to Buxani-Mirpuri. She suggests verbally thanking people for their role in your life, showing up to support friends going through a rough patch, or signing up to volunteer at a local nonprofit organization.Think about it this way: People have given you reasons to be thankful for them, so why not return the favor?When gratitude isn’t enoughThe opposite of gratitude is ungratefulness—not depression or anxiety. If you are struggling with mental illness or a mood disorder, gratitude can help, but it is not a cure.Buxani-Mirpuri emphasizes that even the most thoughtful, consistent gratitude practice is not a substitute for therapy. All the Thankful Thursday posts in the world will not erase post-traumatic stress disorder or a chemical imbalance.Practicing gratitude is also not the same thing as pretending that all is well all the time. Pressure to act thankful that your situation isn’t worse can lead to guilt, frustration, and pain, according to Buxani-Mirpuri. That’s not genuine gratitude. It’s toxic positivity.“Gratitude is about appreciating the lesson in whatever hardships come while still connecting to emotions such as grief, sadness [or] irritation,” says Capanna-Hodge. […]

LIFE

How to Forgive Yourself, and Why

We all beat ourselves up over mistakes from time to time—but never forgiving yourself can be brutal to your mental health. Learn more about the art of self-forgiveness, why it’s so difficult, and what the experts recommend.Why making mistakes feels so badWhether you blow past your monthly budget or break a friend’s trust, everybody makes mistakes. And what happens next is just as universal: Once we realize we’ve hurt ourselves or someone else, we usually experience negative emotions like shame and guilt.Researchers believe evolution hardwired these feelings into the human condition. That’s because for our early ancestors, even small mistakes could mean big trouble, such as an unsuccessful hunt, failed protection from the weather or predators, or a life-threatening injury.In these cases, shame and guilt worked as adaptive responses. The emotions helped us learn from mistakes to increase our collective odds at survival.But research published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences suggests guilt and shame didn’t just help us build better structures and detect threats faster. These feelings worked to shape our individual sense of self-worth.The paper explains how our ancestors deeply counted on one another for survival—and so if an error let down members of the community, it could deem the offender unworthy of help, support, and access to resources.It’s a theory behind why—many millennia later, when the stakes are generally lower—we still tend to beat ourselves up over even the smallest error (and why bigger missteps can be particularly tough to overcome.)Malte Mueller/Getty ImagesWhat is self-forgiveness?There’s another field of research dedicated to how we handle these feelings of guilt and shame in the aftermath of a mistake. Daryl Van Tongeren, PhD, is an associate professor of psychology at Hope College in Holland, Michigan, who has co-authored several studies looking at this process.“We were curious about a paradox in self-forgiveness,” he explains.On the one hand, some people think that by forgiving yourself for a mistake, you’re giving yourself a license to transgress again.“On the other hand, people view self-forgiveness as being important for mental health,” he says. “Because if you don’t forgive yourself, you get mired in guilt and shame—and that’s not going to lead to any productive change.”That’s why the experts say self-forgiveness isn’t just a one-and-done action. It’s a process through which we start to replace feelings of guilt and shame—which can quickly create a toxic cycle—with self-compassion, awareness of our wrongdoing, and a desire to change.“It’s not letting yourself off the hook,” Dr. Van Tongeren explains. “True self-forgiveness, remorse, repentance—it all requires us to engage in some type of effort to make a meaningful change.”Does self-forgiveness look the same for all mistakes?We often think about mistakes in terms of how we’ve harmed another person, explains Andrea Marquez, a psychotherapist and LCSW supervisor at Heading Health in Texas.“In reality, self-forgiveness is a lot broader,” she says. “And more often than not, it involves reflecting on behavior inflicted on ourselves.”This self-inflicted harm could include trivial errors like overstepping our budget or failing to maintain healthy habits. But it can also extend to more destructive behaviors, like eating disorders or addiction.Yet sometimes, self-forgiveness is a productive process when we’re not even at fault. As an example, Marquez points to the guilt people can experience over their emotional response to a traumatic event—like a “victim’s shame” following abuse.Still, our actions often have consequences for other people, too.While Dr. Van Tongeren says the self-forgiveness process looks similar for all levels of mistakes, “there’s going to be a lot more emotional and cognitive work to do if it’s a bigger offense or one that affects more people.”Why is it so hard to forgive ourselves?As it turns out, forgiving others for their transgressions is an evolutionary adaptation, too.Research published in Frontiers in Psychology explains how our early ancestors were motivated to forgive others based on a survival cost-benefit analysis. They’d weigh the likelihood of someone causing future harm against the long-term benefits of keeping the community intact.Yet we don’t necessarily offer this same benefit of the doubt to ourselves.“Because we know ourselves so well—and because we know all the circumstances surrounding the decisions and the mistakes that we have made—we have a tendency to be very harsh as we sit in judgment of ourselves,” says Bradley Nelson, DC, a holistic physician and author of The Emotional Code. “It’s true that the most difficult person to forgive is often our own self.”Based on his research, Dr. Van Tongeren points to a few explanations for why self-forgiveness so often lies just beyond our reach.We equate guilt and shame with remorseDr. Van Tongeren says people often think: If they’re not self-flagellating or self-denigrating, how will anyone know they’re truly remorseful?It’s this subconscious idea that suffering through self-blame and shame is a way to pay for our mistakes, Marquez adds. Sometimes, depending on the perceived harm we’ve caused, we might even believe we don’t deserve forgiveness.“[It’s] akin to a ‘martyr’ mentality,” she says.We get stuck in a guilt-shame loopSome people get very accustomed to carrying their shame and guilt, Dr. Van Tongeren explains. This could be due to a range of reasons, such as ingrained cultural standards, cognitive distortions like perfectionism, and health conditions like addiction.“They internalize [their shame and guilt,] they embody it, and it’s hard for them to let it go,” he says.As an example, he points to when someone trying to abstain from alcohol decides to have a drink.“They might feel so much guilt and shame that they say, ‘Well, I’ve already messed up; I might as well not try to pull myself back out. In for a penny, in for a pound,’” he explains.Then they feel so much guilt about overdrinking that they turn to this problematic, value-inconsistent behavior again the next day to soothe that guilt and shame.“And so you just get in this cycle,” Dr. Van Tongeren says. “What’s happening is you’re just so mired in the guilt and shame that you’re turning to unhealthy coping responses.”We’re not sure that we’ve learned our lesson“I think other people find self-forgiveness hard because we just want to make sure we’re not rushing it,” Dr. Van Tongeren says.This hesitation lies in uncertainty that we’re not making “the right” or “enough” changes to earn our own self-forgiveness. But by continuing to beat ourselves up and engage in negative self-talk, we add fuel to the shame cycle.“Going through this journey can also bring back memories of previous mistakes we haven’t fully let go of,” Marquez adds. “We may uncover deeper trauma or underlying thought processes responsible for the behavior we feel guilty about—all of these can be hard to face.”Why is learning how to forgive yourself important?In their research published in the Journal of Positive Psychology, Dr. Van Tongeren’s team investigated the benefits behind practicing self-forgiveness.“Across the studies we found that self-forgiveness really is related to better mental health,” he says.Self-forgiveness as a mental health toolForgiving ourselves doesn’t just knock us out of the guilt-shame spiral, either.“It promotes a more positive self-image and improves self-confidence,” Marquez explains.By forgiving ourselves, we make ourselves less vulnerable to other people’s critical remarks. It teaches us to take feedback more constructively instead of feeling personally attacked, which fuels our insecurities.The physical toll of guilt and shameA lack of self-forgiveness tends to result in an overall greater stress level as well, Nelson says.When our stress hormones go on overdrive, our whole body can start to suffer. These effects can include:“We don’t sleep as well, we don’t get along well with others as well, and our ability to really be truly happy and to experience joy becomes very difficult to come by,” he says.Can you forgive yourself too quickly?“Guilt or regret can be adaptive when we fully process it,” says Sarah Kaufman, LMSW, a psychotherapist at Cobb Psychotherapy in New York.“When we act as detectives, trying to figure out why we feel guilty or why we regret something, we can start to uncover why we do what we do and where we want to go,” she says. “But that’s the thing—we have to be aware of what we do and why we do it. We can’t change what we don’t understand.”That’s why the experts say it doesn’t really matter how quickly you forgive yourself for making a mistake. The important thing is to engage in thoughtful self-reflection:How did my actions cause harm?How do I feel about that?How would I like to move forward?“This self-reflection process doesn’t necessarily have a set amount of time to make it effective,” Kaufman says. “It’s about internalizing the thoughts and feelings that come up.”Malte Mueller/Getty ImagesHow to forgive yourselfWhile there’s no set time frame for self-forgiveness, that doesn’t mean you rush right through it.“You need to think deeply about your actions and who they harmed—yourself and other people—and you need to own that,” Dr. Van Tongeren says. “And that part is hard.”Here’s what the experts say on how to move through this process in a positive, effective way.Start by showing yourself some compassionSelf-compassion means being able to look at yourself—and your actions—in an unbiased, understanding, and accepting way.“We don’t often extend the same compassion to ourselves that we extend to other people,” Dr. Van Tongeren says.For example, everyone gets a bit annoyed if a friend is late to dinner. But once they arrive and apologize, most of us don’t find it that difficult to move past the annoyance.“But some of us hold ourselves to such a higher standard than we do other people,” Dr. Van Tongeren says. So, even if someone else has forgiven us, we continue to beat ourselves up for a mistake.That’s why without self-compassion, healthy remorse can easily become unhealthy rumination—when you’re unable to stop obsessing over thoughts of what went wrong.“[This] can sometimes lead to prolonged feelings of shame or guilt,” Kaufman says. “And it can make it more difficult to find acceptance and move forward.”Follow the four R’s of self-forgivenessThe “four R’s” is a therapeutic model for self-forgiveness—and research published in the Journal of Counseling Psychology backs up its effectiveness.The study shows this model helped people not only forgive themselves over a specific offense, but experience a greater sense of well-being overall.It looks like this:ResponsibilitySelf-forgiveness starts with the recognition you did something wrong, Dr. Van Tongeren explains. It’s important to avoid the urge to shift blame, and to instead claim ownership over your mistake.Taking responsibility may even be a powerful way to let go of guilt, Marquez adds.“Oftentimes, it reveals that we have done less harm than imagined.”RemorseRemorse simply means feeling sorry for what we’ve done, Nelson explains.“This grief or sorrow is what powers our commitment to not make the same mistake again,” he says.But it’s important to understand the limits of your own remorse. That means recognizing when your emotional response goes beyond the bounds of your responsibility—like feeling guilt or shame over a problem you didn’t cause.“You can only control what you can control,” Kaufman says.RestorationRestoration is making an attempt to repair what was lost because of your mistake.For example, if you had a weak moment and stole something, restoration would mean giving back what you stole, Nelson says.But sometimes, there’s nothing physical to restore—like if you snap at a partner or co-worker. In this sense, restoration is the accountability you accept and the apology you offer.RenewalOverlooking this step is one pitfall of self-forgiveness. The process isn’t that productive if we decide to forgive ourselves without committing to any sort of change, Dr. Van Tongeren says.“In this [renewal] step, we can pause and think about the whole process that started with the mistake that we made,” Nelson says. “We can ask ourselves why we made the mistake in the first place and what we can do to prevent it from happening again.”Don’t sweat the small stuffAnother pitfall of self-forgiveness? Sometimes we simply blow our missteps out of proportion.“Some mistakes are just that—genuine mistakes,” Marquez says. We don’t necessarily need to find meaning, action points, or lessons in every error we make.“[But sometimes,] it might be harder to accept that without having a positive outcome in the form of a lesson learned,” she says.This tendency is common among people who experience cognitive distortions like perfectionism—and according to a report in BMC Psychiatry, it may be a sign of generalized anxiety disorder.That’s why if you’re having trouble showing yourself compassion or find yourself obsessing over every mistake you make, it may be time to turn to professional support.Therapeutic practices like cognitive behavioral therapy can help people work through feelings like guilt and navigate the steps to self-forgiveness—while retraining the thought processes that encourage negative emotions in the first place.Now that you know about how to forgive yourself, check out how to control anger. […]

LIFE

How to Keep a Gratitude Journal, With 16 Prompts to Help You Get Started

According to experts, keeping a gratitude journal can have numerous health benefits. Here’s what the experts want you to know about why and how to do it, including gratitude journal prompts.Maybe you’ve heard about the potential benefits of practicing gratitude or keeping a gratitude journal. You may have even been advised to keep a gratitude journal by a doctor, family, or friends.But are there any real benefits from keeping a gratitude journal? And how exactly does gratitude journaling work?Experts say there’s no wrong way to do gratitude exercises like keeping a gratitude journal, unless of course you’re focusing on negative things or things that can encourage shameful feelings.Here’s what the experts want you to know about why and how to keep a gratitude journal.What is a gratitude journal?According to experts, a gratitude journal is typically a journal or notepad where you jot down things for which you are grateful.This doesn’t need to be a notepad or journal, though; it can also include listing things for which you are grateful aloud or in your mind. Some smartphone apps even allow you to text or digitally enter things you are grateful for.“You can keep a gratitude journal on your phone, you could do it in a notebook, you could even just kind of take time to really think about those things,” says Laurie Santos, PhD, a professor of psychology and head of Silliman College at Yale University in New Haven, Connecticut.“All of these types of forms of engaging with a gratitude journal can really improve your well-being.”(Check out the Silk + Sonder journal and see if it suits your style.)What does research show about the effects of gratitude journaling?Experts say the evidence is overwhelming: Keeping a gratitude journal is good for your health and overall well-being.“There’s lots and lots of studies basically suggesting that gratitude improves well-being,” Dr. Santos says.“There’s evidence, for example, that people who are more grateful experience more benefits in terms of their self-regulation, they’re more likely to eat healthier, they’re more likely to save more for retirement,” she explains. “And there’s even evidence that people sleep better when they’re feeling more grateful.”Jane Wilson, PhD and professor emerita at Westmont College in Santa Barbara, California, says there are even more benefits of keeping a gratitude journal.“People who keep a gratitude journal experience more positive emotions such as love, joy, contentment, improved social connections, increased sense of inner peace, improved exercise, and deepened sense of focus in learning,” Dr. Wilson explains.“Keeping a gratitude journal is the number one way researchers have explored the impact of practicing gratitude.”“Keeping a gratitude journal strengthens one’s gratitude muscle,” she adds. “By strengthening one’s gratitude muscle, people will find they more quickly notice good things in life, and they’re better able to manage future stressful situations.”According to the Greater Good Science Center (GGSC) at the University of California-Berkeley, expressing gratitude or exercises that encourage it can also:help you through tough timesprovide perspective after a losslive more sustainablymotivate you to become a better personmake you more generous and altruisticWhat is gratitude?Gratitude can have many definitions depending on whom you talk to. But according to Emiliana Simon-Thomas, PhD, science director of the Greater Good Science Center, gratitude is often defined into two basic ways.“Science defines gratitude in a couple of ways,” she says.“One way is reverence for that which is given. Recognizing that all kinds of stuff around us every day has nothing to do with our effort, talents, our skills. It’s just there. Yes, it may be related to our capacity to apply ourselves in many ways, but gratitude is more about appreciating and being thankful for that which we haven’t had to work for that which we’ve just received.”She says another way we define gratitude is as a specific emotional experience.“So how you feel that kind of warmth in your chest, that affectionate sentiment, when you are in a moment where someone has done something that’s really wonderful for you, you feel grateful right then and there is that sense of trust and connection, and social support,” she explains.“That is another way that we define gratitude, recognizing that someone else has done something that has benefited us, and they put effort into it.”Who can benefit from keeping a gratitude journal?Anyone in any situation can benefit from keeping a gratitude journal or being more grateful. But keeping a gratitude journal may be especially beneficial for people with mental health conditions that skew their perception events in a negative way, including depression, anxiety, burnout, and post-traumatic stress syndrome (PTSD), experts say.“Research suggests that people who practice gratitude will [also] see a decrease in negative emotions such as anger, resentment, frustration, and anxiety,” Dr. Wilson says.How do I make an entry in a gratitude journal?Dr. Simon-Thomas says the most simple way to make a gratitude diary entry, very generally, is to list sources of goodness that you enjoy in your life that you haven’t had to work toward or earn—things that have come to you that you get to enjoy.“It can be as simple as running water that is drinkable from a faucet, or can be really complex and detailed, like the role that a mentor in your life has played in advancing your professional career or by introducing you to a topic or a community that has been instrumental,” she explains.She says examples of this include gratitude for things many people take for granted, such as democracy, freedom, access to education, and health care. “Those are really important kinds of gratitude,” she says, “and they do shift us toward a more optimistic view in the world.”Dr. Wilson says she suggests beginning by pausing to reflect upon your day or week, taking a moment to savor a few blessings in your life, and then jotting the things you noticed or think of.How often should you write in a gratitude journal?Experts say there’s no hard and fast rule about how frequently to make entries in a gratitude journal to reap the benefits.“Should you try to write your gratitude journal three times a day, or every day? Or every three days? What’s the best?” Dr. Simon-Thomas says. There are some general patterns that seem to pop up like the suggestion to write three times a day, she adds, but that won’t work for everyone.“What the cutting edge or frontier of gratitude science now is is trying to understand the relationship between an individual and the pace and frequency that is potentially most beneficial for them,” she says.If you’re more anxious person, maybe for you the best schedule for gratitude journaling is twice a day for two weeks. For some people who lean toward a more open-minded and flexible emotional demeanor, she says journaling once every other day for four weeks may be the most impactful.Some research suggests the ideal frequency to write in a gratitude journal seems to be around one to three entries per week for at least two weeks, according to the GGSC. Experts say this is likely because it can become easier to become numb to sources of goodness around us if we track it every day.How much should you write in a gratitude journal?According to the experts, any amount of expression or embracing of gratitude, including writing it down in a journal, can be beneficial. But most also agree that the more specific and in-depth an entry is, the more impact it tends to have.Dr. Simon-Thomas says some people find it helpful to go into a lot of detail as to why they are grateful for something or how it made them feel. Some experts also advocate for the benefit of making extended entries that can be shared with others.“The most impactful gratitude practice is writing a gratitude letter to someone , around 300 to 500 words, and then reading it aloud to that person,” Dr. Wilson says.While it’s still unclear precisely how many entries someone should make when writing in a gratitude journal for maximum benefit, Dr. Simon-Thomas says there’s a kind of common suggestion of jotting down three good things as a starting point because some of the early research framed it that way.But she says that recent, unpublished research has found that listing eight things you are grateful for may be the most effective number of entries for gratitude journaling.When should you write in a gratitude journal?Experts say there is no specific time of day when someone should enter a gratitude journal. Dr. Wilson says to determine when to make a gratitude entry, consider the best time of day that works for you.Dr. Simon-Thomas says anecdotally, she would make an argument for either first thing in the morning or as you are falling asleep.She says listing things for which you’re grateful right when you wake up is a way to kind of orient and prime yourself to have that outlook during the day. She says doing this practice as you’re closing your eyes on the verge of falling asleep is a way to just relax and create that frame of mind that is most conducive to falling asleep in a peaceful way.Overall, experts say there is no wrong time of day to make an entry in a gratitude journal or list what you are grateful for.natalie_board/Getty ImagesHow long do you need to keep a gratitude journal to reap the benefits?The jury is still out on exactly how long you need to keep a gratitude journal to reap the benefits.“There’s evidence, for example, that simply scribbling down a few things that you’re grateful for every day can significantly improve your well-being in as little as two weeks,” Dr. Santos says.According to some experts, about 15 days is the period at which people start experiencing long-term benefits from gratitude journaling. But Dr. Simon-Thomas says there are a lot of different statements out there about the relative period of time required. She says there’s nothing wrong with the 15-day argument, but she doesn’t think it’s definitive or generalizable.“So it may be on average, if you invited a group of people to all start keeping a gratitude journal and measured their emotional well-being in a repeated fashion over the course of time, maybe you would find that on average, 15 days or two weeks is about what it takes to really start to shift somebody’s habit of thinking,” she says.She adds, however, that some studies suggest just experiencing 30 to 60 seconds of gratitude, writing or reflection, can change how someone acts in the next moment, and in the next couple hours.Is there a wrong way to do it, or are there common mistakes people make?There aren’t many mistakes you can make when trying to keep a gratitude journal, experts say, unless you’re jotting down negative or hateful emotions or thoughts. According to the experts, entries that make you feel shame, or lead you to shame or judge others, are also not helpful when keeping a gratitude journal.Is there any benefit to physically writing down gratitude journal entries with paper and pencil?Putting thoughts down on paper or saying them out loud is more beneficial than simply thinking about them because it makes us more aware of our thoughts, which can make them more impactful. The GGSC also says writing helps one organize thoughts, and can help us accept those thoughts, feelings, or experiences and put them in context.“There’s definitely evidence that writing any kind of writing is of benefit to your mental health; in fact there’s a vast literature on the benefits,” Dr. Simon-Thomas says.“The act of writing something down, the motor effort that you put in having to move your hands to make words that reflect the ideas and the feelings that you’re having is more effortful, and the more effort that you’re putting in, the more that activity becomes something practiced, and something that is skill building, as opposed to just a reactive or, or momentary experience,” she explains.What is gratitude fatigue?In general, experts say expressing and embracing gratitude, and keeping a gratitude journal, are good for the well-being of most people. But like most things, some people can experience gratitude fatigue, which may cause them to feel worse about their situation or life.“Some people experience gratitude fatigue if they find themselves writing down the same thing each time they open their journal,” Dr. Wilson says. “To remedy this, look for new [or] surprising things you’re grateful for. Or … take a break from writing things down and resume the practice after a break.”Writing prompts for gratitude journal entriesThe experts say some people have no issue coming up with things they are grateful for, but this isn’t always an easy process for everyone. For some people, even trying to think of things they are grateful for, or not being able to come up with any, can be overwhelming and make you feel hopeless.If you’re having trouble thinking of entries to make in a gratitude journal, experts advise using basic prompts that help you get started in the process. A prompt is typically a short sentence or thought that is designed to help stimulate your mind to think of things you are grateful for.Experts say there is no perfect prompt for everyone or every situation. Some prompts may seem well-suited for a certain person or situation, but others may make someone feel worse. For example, prompts that discuss being grateful for family love and support may not be helpful for people who are not in contact with their family or don’t have family support. And not everyone has access to the same level of natural and human resources.Examples of good prompts for gratitude journal entries include:I am grateful for a natural resource (water, food, clean air, sunlight).I am grateful for a component of the natural world (wildlife, mountains, bodies of water).I am grateful for modern comforts (running water, toilets, indoor heat, electricity, cars, airplanes, trains, grocery stores).I am grateful for institutions or services (hospitals and health care, education centers and education, emergency services like firefighters and natural disaster response services).I am grateful for a leisure activity (writing, reading, watching TV or movies).I am grateful my body is capable of … (walking, exercising, maintaining balance and posture, recovering from illness).I am grateful my brain is capable of … (thinking, being intelligent, being curious, having an imagination, learning new things, talking, coordinating body movement, remembering things and feelings).I am grateful for a stress-reducing activity (meditation, yoga, mindfulness, talking with friends and family).I am grateful I am alive now because … (modern amenities and comforts, scientific breakthroughs or advancements, ability to travel around the world, ability to connect with others easier).I am grateful for basic rights such as … (freedom, civil liberties, the right to receive education, expression of thought, the right to vote).I am grateful for something that someone did to help me or make me feel more secure.I am grateful for components of my work (respect of co-workers or bosses, benefits, positive impact of work on others or the environment, feelings of fulfillment or engagement).I am grateful to have certain people in my life.I am grateful for my pet because …I am grateful for a certain experience.I am grateful that something happened to me today.Other tips for keeping a gratitude journalOther tips for keeping a gratitude journal include:Go for depth of entries versus quantity. It’s generally better to go into as much detail as possible about why you are grateful for something than generating a long, less detailed list.Try to not simply go through the motions. Keeping a gratitude journal is more effective if you first commit, and stay committed to, being more grateful, happy, or optimistic. A gratitude journal entry should not be viewed as a to-do list or something you have to do against your will.Don’t try to make any entry if you really aren’t ready or in a good space. Pushing yourself to simply make entries can actually make you feel worse or overwhelmed and may lead to entries that are negative or shaming.Don’t overdo it. Many people think you have to write in a gratitude journal every day to see positive effects. But writing once or twice per week long-term may be more beneficial than daily journaling.Think about subtractions, not only additions. One way to stimulate feelings of gratitude is to think about how your life would be affected without certain things, such as modern comforts, friends and family, meaningful work, etc. This approach can be especially effective if someone is having a hard time coming up with something they’re grateful for.Savor surprises. Events that are surprising or unexpected often stimulate stronger feelings of gratitude.Get personal with your entries. Recording or thinking about people you are grateful for often is more impactful than thinking about things you’re grateful for.Think of things you’re grateful for as gifts. Thinking of things we are grateful for as gifts helps prevent many people from overlooking them or taking them for granted.Next, check out these gratitude quotes. […]