God's Love

How Do I Talk to My Children About Sex?

God has given our children sex organs. They encounter these organs every day. As their organs develop, so should their understanding, with special acceleration at the onset of puberty.
Wise parents serve their developing children by helping them grow in understanding of what God designed all this engineering for. Differences between maleness and femaleness are discerned very early by children, and wise parents help bring clarity to their children’s understanding of these myriad differences and God’s purposes for them (Proverbs 16:4).

“We’re not just teaching our kids about sex, but about stewardship.”

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Maleness and femaleness are divine ideas. “Male and female he created them,” Genesis 1:27 says. It is God who invented all these body parts and their functions and pronounced them good. While it would be unhealthy for our homes to dwell too much on such topics, it also would be unhealthy to ignore them, much less to make them strictly off-limits as topics of instruction. We’re teaching our kids not just about sex, but about stewardship, about God’s design, and about God himself. Sex is not a dark and evil subject when stewarded properly. When God said it was not good for Adam to be alone, he implied good could get better.
God is pleased to address sexual matters in the Scriptures, so we would be foolish to muzzle him, thinking we have better standards than he.
Why Parents?
One of the roles of parents is teaching. God told his people, “Gather the people to me, that I may let them hear my words, so that they may learn to fear me all the days that they live on the earth, and that they may teach their children so” (Deuteronomy 4:10). And Paul says to fathers, “Do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4).
Generally speaking, parents really should be the ones who initiate conversations with their children about sex, because the children’s health-education teacher or kids on the playground might not share the same values, and it is values — more than biological and anatomical diagrams — that matter.
Learning from parents can head off error and help address the shock (some newly enlightened youngsters predictably respond with, “Gross!”). For example, today, if you are a virgin, the world thinks there is something seriously wrong with you, something even immoral. And some say that if you can’t stop youth from having sex, just teach them how to do it “safely.” But there is no safe way to thumb your nose at God, who has placed guardrails around this wonderful, powerful, and sometimes mysterious aspect of human life and spirituality.
The stakes here are high. The rewards and regrets are often much more consequential in sexual matters than in most of the matters on which parents tend to focus — grades, friendships, sports, and so on. Oh, the shipwrecks that have occurred in the swirling waters of sex.
Children Are Learning Sex
Your children are already forming an understanding of sex. But what kind of input is shaping that understanding? Perhaps we’re already behind the curve. I didn’t want my children to arrive one day at a place where they asked, “Why didn’t my dad tell me about this?”
Our children hear voices saying, “If you don’t look at porn, how will you know how to treat sex?” But if they do look at porn, they will be misled regarding how to steward their bodies, minds, and souls. Today’s dominant view of sex — the view permeating pornography — ignores (even mocks) God and objectifies others. In this view, other people are simply objects for one’s own immediate gratification, no matter what that gratification does to them. But sex involves more than anatomy; it’s inescapably enmeshed with values, relational dynamics, acceptance or rejection of God’s design for one’s own life, and the lordship of God himself.
So, your children are likely already learning about sex. Are they learning what they know from you? Or from somewhere else? And if somewhere else, do you really trust their teachers?
How Then Shall We Begin?
We can assume that parents already know something about the biological aspects of sex, which, after all, is how parents typically come to be parents. I assume you know more than your children’s peers, who may already be speaking about sex with your children. It’s not primarily how much you know (you don’t need a medical degree), but the context in which you converse about it, and the spirit of reverence and heart of love.
Don’t worry about giving the subject an exhaustive treatment. Your children have years to grow in their understanding, just as you have grown in yours. With that being said, here are some lessons you might apply over the long haul.
1. Begin with God.
The first step, then, in answering how to speak with your children about sex is to embrace God’s endorsement of the subject matter.
Sexuality is good, and stewarded properly it is not shameful. After creating male and female, God declared it good work (Genesis 1:31). He charged them (and Christian marriages today), “Be fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 1:28). And he called sex between a husband and his bride “wonderful”:

Three things are too wonderful for me;     four I do not understand:the way of an eagle in the sky,     the way of a serpent on a rock,the way of a ship on the high seas,     and the way of a man with a virgin. (Proverbs 30:18–19)

As you teach and caution your children about the dangers of sexual immorality and impurity, remember to be as supportive of (godly) sex as God is.

“Sex is one slice of a larger pie called ‘discipleship.’”

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Second, take other important steps long before addressing the topic of sex, because preparation for understanding sex starts long before they’re “old enough.” Do your children first have a strong spiritual foundation? Do they know God made everything? Have they learned the difference between serving and being served? Sex is one slice of a larger pie called discipleship.
2. Cultivate credibility.
Wisdom keeps age-appropriateness in mind, but if you’re asking yourself, “How long can I put this off?” you’re asking the wrong question.
Establish loving credibility with your child. When I asked my now-grown daughter (who today has her own children) about this subject, she reminded me that I took her as a preteen on dates and “had her heart” before broaching the subject of sex when she was 11. “I love you, and therefore I will be candid (yet discreet) about this important subject (and every other subject),” was a yearslong preamble to speaking of sex.
3. Beware of putting off the conversation.
Third, be proactive. Shortly after being asked to write this article, I was working on a home project with two granddaughters, ages 15 and 10. I told them I was invited to write an article on how to talk about sex with your kids, and asked them what they thought I should say. There was no big gasp or long awkward silence. They jumped in as they would on any other subject. It seemed natural, not forced or artificial, as though we should get back to real life after talking about this embarrassing, fake subject. They weren’t embarrassed but helpfully frank.
Again, be proactive. The subject of sex becomes more awkward the longer it is put off. The awkwardness is ours, not theirs — unless they adopt our awkwardness as their own. Be open; welcome any question about anything, including sex.
4. Seize teachable moments.
In addition to scheduling a bigger conversation, seize upon smaller, teachable moments with younger children — about body parts, modesty, privacy, strangers. Some call this the Drip Method — many talks versus The Talk.
Consider: Have you ever heard parents ask other parents if they have given their child The Talk about driving, getting a job, pursuing holiness, or any other subject in the whole wide world? You seldom give your children The Talk on any other subject. You don’t give them The Talk on nutrition, money, or nearly anything else, so why do it that way with sex? We don’t need to make a bigger deal of it than it is.
5. Read the whole Bible with them.
In your family Bible reading, don’t avoid texts that mention such things as circumcision, prostitutes, rape, and Rachel’s feigned period in Genesis 31. The whole Bible is for the whole family. By treating such biblical incidents matter-of-factly when you encounter them, you make helpful deposits in the steady development of your children. If your 4-year-old doesn’t ask what a prostitute is, move on. But if your 10-year-old asks, “Mom, what’s a prostitute?” that’s a teachable moment.
Explicitly teach biblical precepts such as do not commit adultery, don’t marry an unbeliever, and so on. Moses goes into remarkable sexual detail in giving God’s law to Israel. And then he says this: “You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house” (Deuteronomy 6:7). Yes, to the children — teach the children Moses’s precepts about sex.
Heart of Sex Discipleship
Help your child see sex within the context of broader principles — for example, the Ecclesiastes Principle: there is a time for nearly everything and a time for refraining from nearly everything. Or consider this broad principle: the impulsive desire for immediate gratification can torpedo future happiness, and instead bring painful regrets.

“The most significant sex organ is the heart, and the second-most significant is the brain.”

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Remember that not all children are the same, some being more forthright and others being more withholding. Tailor your interactions accordingly. Be discreet. The older the child and the more specific detail to be addressed, the more likely having the conversation in private would be wise. Let them know that if they have questions later, they can always come to you.
In instructing your children, keep in mind that the most significant sex organ is the heart, and the second-most significant is the brain.
Employ All Your Resources
What is sex for? Sex isn’t just about an act. It’s about God’s ways — his ways of making babies, of populating earth and heaven (no one is born again who isn’t first born), of providing for intimacy in marriage, of displaying the complexity of his creative design.
Along the way, commend your developing children for evidences of manliness or ladylike grace in contexts not primarily about sexual intimacy — a son carries heavy boxes for his mom, a daughter interacts politely with adults, a child demonstrates self-control in any area of life.
Plunder the wealth of resources in your congregation. Specifically, talk to parents who have conversed with their own children about sex, and ask them how they went about it. Did they take their pubescent youngsters on special outings, or go through a book together? Did dad talk to the sons and mom speak with the daughters? Ask them.
Pray, asking God to guard the hearts and minds of your children. And then take heart. It’s always the right time to grow in stewardship of God’s gifts and to speak with your children about them. […]

FAMILY & MONEY

My Stealing Addiction Gives Me The Illusion Of Control

Things I’ve stolen over the years equate to several thousands of pounds. Sometimes, the value of items I’d steal in one single spree equated to hundreds. I’d go to my local high street, a list of items in my head, and hit department store after department store; the bigger and busier, the better. The day I realised, aged 28, that everything I was wearing was embezzled –a polo neck from Uniqlo, ripped jeans from AllSaints, M&S underwear, gold hoop earrings from Anthropologie, and Byredo perfume – I knew I needed help.
As an attractive, Caucasian, middle-class woman, I’m hardly the archetypical shoplifter. To my knowledge, I’ve never been suspected, which I’m certain is down to how I look, rather than my smooth sleight of hand. Raised in a middle-class home in Bristol, state-educated and with myriad opportunities handed on a plate, I was happy, loved and privileged. I occasionally stole items of little worth from shops or supermarkets when I was 11, but didn’t everyone? It was a phase I assumed I’d leave behind in adulthood. But at 25, my stealing vamped up to a full-blown addiction.
I was an editor in book publishing but felt creatively stunted and unfulfilled. I craved adventure and change – the office job was stable, but the sense of monotony I felt each day was clawing away at my insides. I took a career sabbatical, got a teaching qualification and left for Italy to teach English and forget my troubles – cliché, I know. It was the age-old antidote to the fact that I wasn’t sure who I was anymore, I felt untethered. I’d broken up with my boyfriend and I hadn’t spoken to my mother in about nine months, after she left my dad from another man, and effectively abandoned our family. I was troubled, suffering quietly from what I now know to be post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), from the betrayal and gradual erosion of our family unit.

Daria Kobayashi Ritch

My sense of worth was next to none. Stealing made me feel in control when other parts of my life were unravelling. I lived in a small town in Campania and, far from fluent in the native language, I continued stealing from the local shops and pharmacies to fill the time. Even when I eventually made friends and had a whirlwind romance, I didn’t stop. I was deeply unhappy, but in complete denial.
At first, I mostly stole make-up, skincare products, jewellery and perfume, but then I moved onto clothes and mastered the art of buying one small thing to deter unwanted attention and filling my pockets with stolen goods on the way out. Some of the things I have stolen over the years are: make-up, a cushion cover, a watch, a silver ring; myriad pairs of underwear, jeans, several bottles of expensive perfume, a multitude of face serums and endless packets of false nails (in a desperate attempt to curb my nail-biting habit).

At 25, my stealing vamped up to a full-blown addiction

When my teaching job came to an end in Italy, I moved back to London and became a freelance writer. I lived from payslip to payslip, always on the hunt for work, and the lack of security only pushed me deeper into my habit. I stole on weekends, evenings, during lunch breaks, whenever I could. It was never about the money. I could afford all the essentials such as food and travel, and had enough to cover occasional meals out, theatre and gig tickets. This was no situation, it was always a want, not a need.
Moments before the crime, everything is still. I feel for labels, security tags, or whatever might sound a security alarm. My breath quickens and my eyes dart about the shop, looking for cameras. It’s important to act fast, so I find a secluded spot away from the gaze of security guards or shop assistants, occasionally flashing a smile to alleviate suspicion. Sometimes, I’ll slip into a changing room to break the labels off, the same way one plucks an unruly hair with great satisfaction. Once I’ve made my decision, I bury the item in my bag and feel a surge of anticipation. This endorphin hit follows me out of the shop and lingers like a happy shadow for an hour or two, but the highs only lasts so long. Once I’m home, the guilt rolls over me like a thick impenetrable fog and I tell myself: enough. Enough now.
I always feel dirty. The addiction is at odds with who I am as a person. Over the years I’ve volunteered for various charities, from refugees to homeless shelters; I consider myself an ethical consumer, support local businesses and am easily ground down by the world’s injustices. In short, I feel like a complete fraud. It’s like I had two personalities, but the dishonest one was continuously stamping out the other.
Only three people close to me know my secret. When I told my current boyfriend, he was extremely concerned, but not wholly surprised given his knowledge of my history of anxiety and depression. He told me to always call him when the urge came, but, of course, I never did.

Daria Kobayashi Ritch

I finally sought professional help in the summer of 2019. I’d just left London and was renting in a rural town with my boyfriend. It should’ve been an exciting time, but the weight of the secret dragged me into a deep depression. I knew this time that my addiction was feeding the low moods, bouts of anger and self-hatred. My depression was a warning. If I didn’t overcome the addiction, I’d lose everything – my relationship, my freedom, my job, happiness and sense of self-worth. I knew that if the problem persisted, people in this tight-knit community of 8,000 would eventually find out.
The local GP showed little sympathy as I asked for help in floods of tears. Despite having discussed my mental health history at length, he told me that shoplifting was a crime and I could stop myself if I wanted to. He prescribed me a course of Sertraline, an antidepressant that’s usually for people who suffer from with obsessive–compulsive disorder (OCD), and I convinced him to put me on a waiting list for a wellbeing service. Six months later, I eventually received virtual cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), and alongside the course of antidepressants, the compulsions dwindled.
My therapist identified the stealing as one of my many obsessive behavioural traits, also including nail-biting and hair pulling. Stealing kept my anxiety – momentarily – at bay. It gave me a sense of routine, during a time that felt chaotic. But it fed off my existing obsessive-compulsive tendencies, and was indirect self-harm, a cry for help.

It’s like I had two personalities, but the dishonest one was continuously stamping out the other

I’ve been close to telling my sisters, but I just can’t go through with it. I know it’d cause upset, hurt and maybe distrust. I’ll be an auntie soon, and I just can’t take that risk. I will always carry this shame and will never fully forgive myself, but I am an addict, and addicts can’t choose what it is they’re addicted to.
I am now 30 years old and 13 months clean. But in truth, this is partly a product of Covid-19. When the pandemic struck and turned our worlds upside down, our lives changed and so did our shopping habits. During the first national lockdown in March 2020, I had to follow the arrows that adorned the supermarket’s vinyl floor like everyone else, and snake around the aisles with the eyes of whoever followed on the back of my head. The urge would come, but I managed to quench it.
To any outsider, I have my sh*t together. I’m a relatively successful copywriter with words in national newspapers and various literary magazines. I’m recently a homeowner with my boyfriend. I want to put this all behind me, but I know I can’t. I fear that when our world opens up again, and the high streets spring back to life, the urge will grow on me like a vicious parasite that can’t be rid. And I will, once again, be at the mercy of my addiction.
If you’ve got a story that you think would work for The Secret Lives of Women, please email secretlives@elleuk.com
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‘Becoming Thin Made Me Fatphobic’

‘I Sold Sex To Fund My Shopping Habit’

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FAMILY & MONEY

Fred VanVleet makes history in record game for Raptors

February 2, 2021

Fred VanVleet made some history on Tuesday night.
VanVleet scored 54 points in Toronto’s 123-108 win over the Orlando Magic. The 54 points were a franchise-high for the Raptors.
VanVleet’s point total was also the most ever for an undrafted player, topping Moses Malone’s previous mark of 53.
VanVleet scored so many points because of how hot he was as a shooter, rather than due to the volume of shots he took.
The 26-year-old guard went 17/23 from the field, including 11/14 on threes. He also was 9/9 on free throws. Norman Powell was second on the team with 23 points.
VanVleet entered the game averaging 18.8 points per game this season, which is a career-high mark. […]

FAMILY & MONEY

DeMar DeRozan had funny reaction to Fred VanVleet breaking his record

February 2, 2021

DeMar DeRozan had a funny reaction to Fred VanVleet’s big game on Tuesday night.
VanVleet went for a franchise record 54 points in the Toronto Raptors’ 123-108 win over the Orlando Magic. DeRozan, who played for Toronto from 2009-2018, was the previous record holder with 52 points scored in 2018.
DeRozan tweeted his congratulations to VanVleet while also taking a friendly jab at his longtime teammate Kyle Lowry.
“Congrats to my brotha Freddy V! Kyle old a– couldn’t do it. Glad you did champ! Been telling you!” DeRozan said on Twitter (edited by LBS for profanity).
That’s a really friendly spirit from DeRozan, who doesn’t seem at all bothered by his record being broken. The feeling in Toronto was positive all around.
VanVleet said one of his joys was his teammates being happier for him than he was for himself.

Highlight of VanVleet’s night? “Celebrating with my teammates and seeing them be happier for me than I am for myself. They were more excited all night than I was, and that’s a testament to this team, this group, the direction we’re going, and the love we have for one another”
— Josh Lewenberg (@JLew1050) February 3, 2021

The Raptors are having a down season at 9-12, but VanVleet gave them a big moment to celebrate.
Photo: Game Face/Flickr via cc by-sa 2.0 […]

FAMILY & MONEY

NBA, players union nearing deal for March 7 All-Star Game

When the NBA season began, many assumed that there would be no All-Star Game this year due to the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic, but ESPN’s Adrian Wojnarowski reported that the NBA and players’ union are working towards a deal for the All-Star Game to be played on March 7 in Atlanta.
According to Woj, the event would be a scaled-down version of the typical All-Star weekend, as the current plan is to have “a single-night event that encompasses a game between the Eastern and Western Conferences and skills competitions.” And the current discussions are around the logistics of transporting players in and out of Atlanta quickly and safely so that there is no risk of an outbreak.
“Safety protocols are among the details still being ironed out,” Woj wrote.

The NBA currently has a mid-season break scheduled for March 5-10, allowing the All-Star Game to be scheduled during that small window without disrupting the season. The second half of the shortened 72-game season has not yet been scheduled due to the understanding that some teams have played several fewer games than the rest of the league due to COVID-19 protocols.
Sources have indicated that the willingness of players to participate in the event has been the biggest force of positive momentum for the All-Star Game, as the game almost certainly would have been canceled if star players had felt it was too unsafe to play. But that does not mean that everyone is on board, as many players and executives reportedly see the All-Star Game as “an unnecessary risk for the league.” […]

INSURANCE & MORTGAGE

Join Life Happens’ Twitter Chat for Insure Your Love – Life Happens

Join Life Happens for a Twitter Chat during Insure Your Love month this February. We’ll discuss new data that shows Americans are shifting their priorities and focusing on financial security in response to COVID-19.
The pandemic has helped many of us appreciate the little things more than ever, those small wins that carry us through a tough time. We hope this chat serves as a reminder that life insurance is a simple act of love you can take today to ensure your loved ones are protected financially tomorrow.
Date: Thursday, February 11 from 1 to 2 p.m. EST
Where: Join us on Twitter using your personal handle or your company’s handle.
Hashtag: Use and follow #InsureYourLoveChat during the above timeframe
Life Happens will moderate the discussion and drive the conversation on Twitter using the questions and statistics below. Remember, you’ll have to use the #InsureYourLoveChat hashtag in each tweet.
All statistics below come from the study “Life’s New Appreciations,” Life Happens, 2021.
Q1: The pandemic has shifted our priorities, helping us appreciate the little things and small wins. What are some small wins people can accomplish financially that might be simpler than they think? #InsureYourLoveChat
Q2: Three quarters of Americans agreed that it’s important for them to get their finances in order this year. How can they best start working toward that goal? #InsureYourLoveChat
Q3: We found that 58% of Americans said COVID-19 has drastically changed which milestones they’d like to accomplish in life. Does this statistic surprise you? #InsureYourLoveChat
Q4: Some traditional milestones like marriage and having children are less of a focus this year. Meanwhile, achieving financial security is still at the top. What changes have you noticed in the way people approach their overall financial picture? #InsureYourLoveChat
Q5: Over half (55%) of Americans said this past year was the first time they spoke with a loved one about life insurance. What would you say to help that other 45% get the conversation started with their loved ones? #InsureYourLoveChat
Q6: Americans had more financial discussions over the last year, which included the need for their significant other to buy life insurance and reviewing their existing policy. How are you raising awareness about life insurance this month? #InsureYourLoveChat
The basic motivation behind the purchase of life insurance is love. Help us spread awareness of Insure Your Love during February, the “month of love,” by using #InsureYourLove on social media all month long. […]

God's Love

5 Secrets to a Life Poured Out – Not Burnt Out

1. Create Stronger Boundaries
Contrary to popular belief, serving God and others should not come at the expense of our physical, mental or spiritual well-being. A lot of my personal burnout has come when I’ve been stretched too thin and have not been willing to say “no” to tasks that have become draining. Sound familiar?
When we begin to create stronger boundaries in our lives, it frees us up to focus on being filled up with God’s renewal. Our balance is restored and we can regain more clarity with where our energy should go to further live out our God-given purposes.
It’s a lie of the enemy to believe that we can be all things to all people. We are to move forward in faith and lean on God to provide all the resources and support we need. “And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of His glory in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:19). Today, I invite you to give yourself permission to create stronger boundaries with your time, energy, and relationships. As you courageously do so, you will begin to replace burnt out with renewal.
2. Be Filled with God’s Renewal Each Day
As we continue to serve God each day, what are we being filled with to sustain us? To live a life continually poured out, we have to actively be filled and renewed with God’s word, wisdom, and strength. When we operate within our own strength, we are exhausted, overwhelmed and serving from an empty cup. Burnout consumes us and resentment can set in if we are not intentional about being filled with the sustaining and uplifting presence of God daily.
“Therefore, repent and return, so that your sins may be wiped away, in order that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord” (Acts 3:19). Our feelings and flesh are fleeting and must be filled with spiritual sustenance to strengthen us. Staying connected with God through daily prayer, devotion, gratitude, and worship fills our spirit when we want to give up, and renews our minds when we are weary.
Photo Credit: © Getty Images/VitezslavVylicil […]

God's Love

10 Scriptures on How to Live in the End Times

“But if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, His Son, purifies us from all sin.” (1 John 1:7)
To navigate through the end times, it’s critical we stay out of the darkness of the world and walk in God’s light, so we won’t stumble off track. Ephesians 5:8 explains, “For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light.”
As Ephesians 5:3-5 describes, walking in darkness involves participating in sexual immorality, any kind of impurity, greed, obscenity, foolish talk, crude joking, and more.
Instead, we’re to walk in the fruit of light, which consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth, and to find what pleases the Lord (Ephesians 5:9).
Walking in darkness means believers have wandered away from God’s word and are backslidden in their relationship with Him. 1 John 1:6 explains, “If we claim to have fellowship with Him and yet walk in darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth.”
As Ephesians 5:15-16 warns, “Be very careful, then, how you live—not at unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.”
Photo Credit: © Pexels/Andrea Piacquadio […]

God's Love

‘Whoever Is Ashamed of Me’: A Call to the Quietly Christian

The blush of embarrassment, the reddening cheek, have you ever wondered at the power of it? Our lives, when all is done and told, can be summarized in what we held firm to the end, and what we let slip for fear or shame.
The wonder may be nowhere more pronounced than in the words of Jesus: “Whoever is ashamed of me and of my words, of him will the Son of Man be ashamed when he comes in his glory and the glory of the Father and of the holy angels” (Luke 9:26).
Try to imagine it.
The day has come suddenly, like a thief in the night. The angels, too numerous to count, too wonderful to anticipate, too “other” to feel at ease among, now encompass the earth. Some surround Christ, blazing as forest fires. Others bellow loud praises to God and to the Lamb. Still others flash forth as lightning, blowing trumpets and summoning the world to account.
And then you see him. The King of kings, the Lord of lords draped in the glory of his Father. Charioting the clouds, he approaches the world of men. He is adorned in blinding light, dressed for war, a sword protruding from his mouth. The great Spectacle, the great Reckoner, the One by whom and for whom all exists docks his boat upon the shore. The eyelids of this world will pull back. Every eye will see him — even those who pierced him. All activity apart from him will stop. Atheism and paganism and false religion will cease to be. He has come.
Blushing Before God
In this landscape filled with angels, God, and men, slumped between the true saints and the brazen unrepentant, will be those who knew enough to truly follow him, but never did: the blushers.
They knew Jesus to be who he said he was, but they did not own him. They visited him only at night, but wouldn’t appear with him in the daylight. When the question was put to them before men, devils, those they admired or feared, they could not speak with Luther, “Here I stand; I cannot do otherwise. God help me!” They kept what they took to be their personal convictions and would not confess him.
And there they stand, alongside the great gathering of all who ever lived. The King looks down at them as they looked upon him, with holy embarrassment and godly shame. They lived ashamed of him, and now Jesus is ashamed of them before his Father and this heavenly assembly. They denied him, and now they are denied (2 Timothy 2:11–13). “Depart from me, you cursed,” he will say, “into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels” (Matthew 25:41).
Even Though All Fall Away
Some cannot imagine being ashamed of our Lord or denying him. But lest we think ourselves beyond this temptation, saying in our hearts to Christ, “Even though they all fall away, I will not” (Mark 14:29), may we remember that the rock, Peter, nearly shattered beyond mending at this quake.

“Live like you know Christ, like you love Christ, like you are waiting unashamedly for Christ to return.”

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Fresh off of fleeing from his Shepherd in Gethsemane, Peter now followed Jesus at a distance “to see the end” (Matthew 26:58). As he sat outside in the courtyard, one of Caiaphas’s servant girls caught a glimpse of him warming himself around the fire. “This man also was with him” (Luke 22:56). Once, twice, three times: “I do not know him!” — even invoking a curse upon himself to prove it (Mark 14:71). After the third denial, “the Lord turned and looked at Peter” (Luke 22:61).
That look — whatever pity, disappointment, or shame it contained — sent Peter away weeping. He only barely survived this dark denial, narrowly escaping Satan’s sifting and Judas’s judgment, because Jesus had prayed for Peter, that his faith would not fail (Luke 22:32). Let us all beware self-satisfied assertions of untested fidelity. A rooster may yet crow, even for the strongest of us. Perhaps especially for the “strongest.”
Soothing Slopes of Compromise
Furthermore, this temptation to be ashamed of Jesus appears prebaked into our seemingly post-Christian culture.
I have sometimes wondered if many of the cowardly, those who were ashamed of Christ and refused to pick up their crosses to follow him, ever considered themselves so. Certainly, if the grand moment of decision arrived, the gun is pointed at the head or the servant girl raises her voice in public accusation, compromise is obvious. But how many of “the cowardly” (Revelation 21:8) go to the second death unrealizing because they did not feel the thud at the bottom of the cliff, but walked the scenic, gentler slope of a quiet, more habitual compromise?
Most of us do not face a cliff, but this soothing slope of small denials. Instead, we deny him in peaceful conversations around many fires. Our embarrassment is the fixed blush on the cheek, the accumulation of small moments in which we harmlessly choose love for reputation, love for esteem, love for ease, for money, for our own lives, over the love for Christ and love for souls. We don’t speak much of Jesus. We take the path of less awkwardness, we fit in more and more with unbelieving friends and coworkers. We don’t “go there” with our unbelieving family as we did before. Our neighbors don’t know we are Christians, and our own family often wonders.
This gentle path is not new. In Jesus’s day, many, including many of the authorities, were said to “believe” in him, but loved their seats in the synagogue and their glory before men above the glory that comes from Christ (John 12:42–43). They believed true things about Jesus, just not that he was worth following at any cost.
He was not their treasure hidden in a field that they in their joy went and sold everything to have (Matthew 13:44). He was not worth following when crosses were involved (Luke 9:23).
Are We Half Asleep?
It wasn’t that the blushers cared nothing for Jesus nor disbelieved what he claimed. It’s just that when other loves were threatened, they thought it best to keep things to themselves and not go too far.
Does this spirit of disavowal dress up in a suit and tie today? How much have we believed that Jesus is not for polite conversation, not for the public square, not for the family dinner table? How much is normal life about keeping the status quo of unbelief while all around us walk over the rickety bridge into judgment day?

“Do not blush to speak the name of Jesus or to stand next to every word he has spoken.”

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Have we muted the intrusive commission to go (to places we are uninvited) and make disciples of the nations (full of people who don’t want us there), baptizing them in the Trinitarian name of God (who they have rejected in their sin), and teaching them to obey everything Christ taught us (Matthew 28:18–20)? Will the Son be ashamed of us before his Father because we have lived lusting and neglectful lives ashamed of him?
How many of us live, even now, instinctively hiding the colors of our uniform, too prone to maintain a secret life of a disciple — as if there truly were such a thing?
Limping Between Gods
Indistinct and worldly “Christianity” is worthless. Salt that is no longer salty is not “good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under people’s feet” (Matthew 5:13). Roads must part, decisions must be made: Christ or this world?
The narrow path leads away from the broad, Lot cannot remain always in Sodom, the jealous masters vie for full allegiance. The prophet’s inescapable question finds all of us out eventually: “How long will you go limping between two different opinions? If the Lord is God, follow him” (1 Kings 18:21).
Give up spiritual indecision, renounce this saltless Christianity, flee from this halfway house of commitment between Christ and the world. Have done, in reliance upon the Spirit, with what James Stewart calls an “amphibian existence that lacks the courage to decide.” Live like you know Christ, like you love Christ, like you are waiting unashamedly for Christ to return — if you have tasted and seen how precious he is.
Resolve now, God helping you, to live for Christ and nothing but Christ — no matter the cost. Do not blush to speak his name or to stand by every word he has spoken. For what does it profit a man to amass the whole world — celebrity, admiration, the dream spouse, a thrilling career, safety from persecution — if, having had them all, Christ is ashamed of him? […]

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